The Rocker Who Shatters Me Read online

  I’d told her to take her love and shove it, then kicked her out of my apartment. She’d been a greedy, fame-hungry reaper and I hadn’t been in the mood to be used.

  It wasn’t until Harris’s mother died and he came to live with me fulltime that I’d started to tell my son that I loved him. Up till then I’d been a kid myself. I’d been angry at Tawny for ruining my friendship with Liam, a man I’d considered more of a brother and friend than I had Zander at that point in my life. That bitch had turned us against each other, and then dropped a kid in my lap.

  None of that, however, should have kept me from telling the woman I loved how I felt. That was just me being a pussy. Now I had to fight to get her back and so far nothing I’d done had helped. If anything I’d done nothing but push her further away.

  The sound of someone clearing their throat behind me made my back stiffen. If it was Rhett Fucking Tomlinson I was going to beat him to death. Slowly I turned and found Linc standing there with his huge-ass arms over his thick chest. Well, at least it wasn’t the other rocker.

  “What?” I thrust my hands into my front pockets, meeting Natalie’s best friend’s eyes without flinching.

  Linc nodded his head at the door behind me. “She okay?”

  I grimaced. “Fuck if I know. She won’t talk to me.”

  “I’m sure that fucking her brains out really helped.” I went cold at his words. My eyes must have been asking the question that was suddenly prominent in my mind, because he gave me a killer glare. “Yeah, I got a great show a while ago. I followed the two of you to make sure she was okay. When she started making those little sounds she always makes when you two are going at it, I walked away.”

  My jaw clenched. I wanted to punch the muscle-head in the face, but knew I’d probably break my hand on his chin. “Look—”

  Linc took a menacing step closer. “No, drummer boy, you look. I don’t know what your usual deal is, but Natalie is the type of chick that when it comes to public sex like that, she’s going to feel cheap. You two have done it in the past…” I opened my mouth to demand how he knew that shit, but he stopped me. “She told me, idiot. I know about the bathroom in Charlotte, and the hot tub in Huntington. And I know how ashamed she was afterwards.”

  “Ashamed?” I repeated stupidly. “She has nothing to be ashamed of. That was two people who couldn’t contain their need for each other. There is nothing shameful in that.”

  The muscle-head shrugged. “In her eyes it is. It makes her feel like some slutty groupie. So for future reference, you might want to avoid the public forum of showing her how much you want her.” He took another step closer and leaned against the wall. “I’m not saying don’t kiss her or PDA shit like that. Just stop fucking her in dark corners.”

  My eyes widened. Was the muscle-head actually giving me advice? Why would he do that when he’d made it obvious often enough how much he hated me for hurting Natalie in the last year? “What’s your angle here, muscle-head?”

  The physical trainer rolled his eyes. “Maybe I just want her to be happy. She might hate you, but she still loves you. I could offer you a hell of a lot more advice, but for now that’s all you get.” He inclined his head toward the door again. “She’s not going to want to see you when she’s done in there. Go get another drink, man. I’ll sort Nat out.”

  “She and I need to talk.” I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to be right there when she came out of the bathroom. Wanted to wrap my arms around her and simply hold her. Yet I knew that what Linc said was the truth. Natalie wasn’t going to want to see me. I had to accept that for tonight. I trusted Linc to take care of my girl. If she wouldn’t let me comfort her, then Linc was the only man I would want to fill my place.

  “There is always tomorrow, man.”

  Blowing out a frustrated sigh, I raked my hair back from my face and nodded. “Yeah, tomorrow.”

  Reluctantly I left him there to wait on Natalie while I went back into the VIP lounge. I went straight to the bar and ordered another bourbon, but a single this time. I swallowed it in one gulp and then ordered nothing but water the rest of the night.

  It was nearly four in the morning by the time we made it back to the buses in the limo we’d come in. Natalie and Linc never did come back and Rhett and Marissa had left an hour or so before us, so I could only assume they’d taken a cab. When we got back to the buses, Linc was sitting in the living room watching some indie movie. When Zander made a loud whooping sound as he walked onto the bus behind me and the others, Linc threw the remote at him.

  “Keep it down. Nat has a migraine.”

  “Is she okay?” I demanded, glancing down the hall toward the roosts. I’d only ever seen her with a migraine once in the entire time I’d known her and she had been in so much pain, vomiting all over the place and basically blind in one eye. I’d wanted to take care of her then, but she’d refused to let me close.

  “She took her meds and she’s sleeping now. Just keep it down. She needs the rest.”

  Leaving everyone in the living room, I went back to the sleeping area and straight to her roost. Pulling back the curtains, my heart nearly stopped when I saw her curled up on the bed with that stupid little tiger I’d given her years ago. She still slept with it? I knew that she had in the past, but had figured she had tossed that little stuffed animal out when our relationship had gone to hell.

  Shaking my head, I let my eyes travel up to her face where a washcloth was lying over her eyes. Her skin was paler than it had been earlier and I clenched my hands into fists to keep from reaching out and skimming my fingers over her cheek. I didn’t to wake her in case she was still in pain.

  My eyes drifted higher, landing on her short pixie-style haircut. I had to admit that the haircut suited her, and I liked that it made her look a little older. I’d run my hands through it earlier, when I’d had her in my arms and been balls deep inside of her tight little body. It was still just as silky, still just as beautiful. Sure, I would mourn the loss of all that long, glorious hair, but I’d rather mourn it than not have her.

  I stood there for a long while, just drinking in the sight of her. Damn, but she was so beautiful. I’d been a lucky fucker when I’d been able to call this girl mine. Not just because of her beauty, either. She was an amazing chick. Hardworking, determined, feisty, kindhearted, and she didn’t take shit from anyone. I’d fought my attraction for years until I just hadn’t been able to contain my feelings anymore. Now, I might not ever get the chance to really call her my own again.

  Eventually I felt the bus start to move and with a reluctant sigh closed the curtains to her roost and climbed into my own across from hers. It was a long time before I fell asleep.

  The bus bouncing over a pothole woke me. Slowly I blinked my eyes open and reached for my cellphone that was beside my pillow, which showed that it was nearly two in the afternoon. With the heel of my hand I rubbed the rest of the sleep from my eyes and opened the curtain of my roost.

  From the bathroom I could hear the shower turning off. I quickly grabbed a pair of boxers and some jeans from my case and stepped into them before I had company just in case it was Marissa. I didn’t want to die at the hands of Liam—or worse, Wroth—if Marissa happened to see my dick swinging free.

  I was zipping up my jeans when the bathroom door opened and Wroth walked out. I wasn’t even sure if he saw me as he headed through the sleeping area and down the hall. There weren’t many people I would ever admit to being scared of, but Wroth was number two on the list of people I wouldn’t willingly fuck with. Emmie was number one. Call me a pussy all you want, but that little redhead terrified me.

  Once Wroth had shut the door behind him, I moved to Natalie’s roost. I hoped she was still asleep, so maybe I could climb into bed with her and just hold her for a little while. When I pulled the curtain back, though, her bed was empty. The covers had been straightened and her little stuffed tiger was resting on her pillow.

  My heart clenched at the sight of that little stuffed
animal. I’d bought it and given it to her on a dick move on the first tour she’d ever gone on with OtherWorld. Even then I’d struggled with my attraction and feelings for her. I’d hoped that by continuing to remind myself that she was too young that it would help curb my overpowering attraction. Giving her the stuffed tiger had been one of a thousand insults I’d tried to throw at her.

  And she’d just rolled her eyes at me and slept with the damn thing every night during that torturous tour. Every tour afterwards I’d found that little tiger in her roost. Even last spring when we’d been sharing a roost almost every night, she’d slept with it on our bed. That it was here now had to mean that she still cared about me.

  Right?

  Not bothering to grab a shirt, I left the sleeping area. I didn’t bother to close the door behind me as I walked down the hall. When I reached the living room my eyes went straight to Natalie sitting on the couch with her legs tucked under that long-ass sweatshirt that she always wore when she wasn’t feeling well. Normally it was what she wore when she was on her period, when she said she was feeling fat and ugly.

  Crazy chick. She could gain a hundred pounds and suddenly sprout warts and moles all over that elfin face and I would still think she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

  Someone shifted on the couch beside her and my eyes zeroed in on the person sitting so close to her. I blinked back the red trying to cloud my vision. “What the fuck is Tomlinson doing here?” I barked. I turned my glare on Natalie. “Did he sleep here?”

  Say no, Nat. I silently begged her. Say no.

  “I slept here,” Rhett spoke up when Natalie just sat there frowning at me. I felt my blood pressure skyrocket at his words. My eyes snapped back to him before I could read the expression on Natalie’s face. I was going to kill him. They would have to scrape his body from the highway when I was finished with him— “Marissa asked me to.”

  Oh. Well, fuck. The red haze vanished from my eyes just in time to see Wroth’s reaction to the other man’s confession.

  “You’re fucking kidding me. Right?” Wroth spoke so loudly he might as well have bellowed. I saw him start to shake as he took a step toward the couch, but I wasn’t worried for Marissa. Wroth would have thrown himself in front of a speeding eighteen-wheeler before he harmed a hair on her head. As for what he might do to Rhett? I’d offer him some assistance if he wanted to kill that fucker. “Did he sleep with you last night, Rissa?”

  “He slept in my bed last night…” She bit her lip, something she was starting to make a bad habit of doing. Sure it was sexy, but she was starting to turn into that damn chick off those fucking vampire movies Natalie had forced me to watch over and over again. “…but sleeping was all that happened if you really must know.”

  “Oh, I really must know.” Wroth did bellow that time and I grimaced as the loud, scary-ass voice hurt my ears. He moved so quickly that I didn’t have time to move before he was in front of the three people sitting on the couch. I started to take a step forward, intending to grab Natalie and get her out of harm’s way but Linc was already grabbing hold of her and pulling her out of the way. I let out a relieved breath, knowing I wouldn’t have gotten to her in time if Wroth suddenly turned rage monster and killed the rocker with his bare hands.

  “You want someone to share your bed, you climb into mine. If I find out this happens again I will kill him, Mari. Do you hear me? I will kill him.”

  Wroth—” she began, obviously not in the least bit scared of the raging beast just inches from her, but Wroth kissed her silent.

  “Don’t push me. I’ve killed men before, I have no problem doing it again.”

  I grimaced, knowing that what Wroth said was true. His time in the marines had changed him because of what he’d seen and done. Poor bastard was still haunted from that time in his life.

  “I know, Wroth.” Marissa’s voice was softer than usual, as if she were talking to a wounded animal. Or in this case a wild beast. “That wasn’t your fault, though. You had to kill those men or be killed yourself. If anything, I’m glad you did that. You came home, Wroth, and I don’t care what you had to do to make that happen.” She stood and wrapped her arms around the big man’s waist. “You don’t have to kill Rhett. He didn’t do anything wrong. We’re just friends, I swear.”

  Within a blink of an eye, Wroth’s rage faded. It was crazy how fast Marissa could take that hulking monster and make him look like a big cuddly teddy bear. Not that I would ever say that out loud. I didn’t want to die at the hands of my friend if he ever heard me calling him a fucking teddy bear.

  While Marissa held onto Wroth, Linc stepped closer to them. I stood there, watching it all with a small smile. Yeah, I could actually crack a smile since it had been Rhett and Marissa and not Rhett and Natalie sharing a bed last night. Something I should have been quicker to realize since she’d been so sick the night before and she’d been in bed alone when I’d checked on her before going to bed myself. But hey, jealousy is a real bitch and it clouds the mind when you feel that green monster overtaking you.

  Linc cleared his throat to get Wroth’s attention. Slowly, almost reluctantly, Wroth raised his head from Marissa’s hair to look at the muscle-head. “Before you really do go all rage monster and start killing people, maybe I should clarify something. Rhe—”

  Natalie cut whatever else he was going to say off. “Rhett and I are friends with benefits. You don’t have to worry about him and Marissa, Wroth. Rhett and I are exclusive.”

  The red haze came back with a vengeance, and with it a pain in my chest that nearly knocked the breath from my lungs. No, no way. I couldn’t believe that. I wouldn’t. But when she lifted her eyes to mine and clenched her jaw, I had. The pain become worse, as if someone was actually ripping my heart from my chest.

  With a pain-filled growl, I turned and put my fist through the paneling of the wall with one punch. She was mine. He’d had no right to touch her. She’d had no right to let him. I walked down the hall and straight into the sleeping area, slamming the door behind me. The hurt and jealousy and feeling of being betrayed clouded my vision and I lost control over my own rage.

  I moved blindly to her roost and pulled the covers, pillows and that fucking stuffed tiger off her bed. The curtains tore down as I grabbed her mattress and threw it across the room. That didn’t make the pain go away so I punched the wall, but the pain in my hand didn’t distract the pain that was making me bleed to death on the inside. It was like her confession that Rhett was her lover—her fucking friend with benefits—had been a physical blow and I now had internal bleeding.

  It didn’t matter that we weren’t together anymore. I felt as if she had cheated on me. That what we’d once had had meant nothing to her. How fucking dare she cheat on me! I loved that girl. Loved. Her.

  Grabbing the closest thing, I threw it across the room and then punched the wall again. As if I were having an out-of-body experience, I felt the bus shift and then slow down, but I couldn’t have cared less if we were stopping or if we were suddenly speeding out of control and about to crash. I just wanted the pain to stop.

  Out of the corner of my eye I saw the door open and three of my bandmates standing in the doorway, but I didn’t care what they wanted as long as they left me alone. Growling, I punched the wall again, and again. Again. The skin broke open, but I punched the wall again before shaking the blood off my hand.

  The wound on my hand stung, the bruising on my knuckles throbbing, but it still didn’t compare to the pain that was making it hard to fucking breathe.

  Natalie

  The bus swerved yet again and the driver pulled off onto the side of the road. I bit the inside of my cheek, knowing that this was all my fault. If the driver was stopping, I knew that Emmie’s was too. Once she stepped onto this bus and Devlin was still out of control he was as good as dead. Ugly dead. As in no-one-would-be-able-to-identify-the-body dead.

  Since I’d caused this then I had no choice but to fix it. I didn’t want Devlin dea
d. Not even a little bit. I’d just wanted him to hurt as much as I hurt and from the noises coming from the back of the bus I was pretty sure that I’d accomplished that.

  “Rissa, please try to keep Em from going back there.” I gave Rhett a quick glance that hopefully told him how sorry I was for pulling him into my drama. I’d had no right to use him as a scapegoat like I’d just done. He was my friend and lying about having a sexual relationship with him was not something you did to your friend. Not when it could have gotten said friend killed.

  I rushed down the hall and pushed past Zander, Liam, and Wroth. My eyes widened when I saw the mess the sleeping area was in. It looked like a freaking hurricane had hit the room. Mattresses, covers, pillows, curtains and even my little tiger was scattered around the room. There were big dents in the walls, a few holes, and drops of blood on the wall.

  From the front of the bus I could hear Emmie demanding to know what was going on and I quickly pushed Wroth back into the hall and closed the door. In my rush to protect Devlin I didn’t even notice that the door was warped. All I could think about was getting him calmed down before Emmie heard him tearing the place apart.

  “Dev.” I whispered his name a little brokenly when he turned around I could finally see his face. The pain in those aquamarine eyes, the way his face was scrunched up in torment, both of his hands bleeding from hitting the walls repeatedly. If I’d thought I would feel better by making this man hurt, I was wrong. I wanted to be vindicated, wanted to relish his pain, but I couldn’t.

  How would it feel if I followed through with the bet Marissa and I made? Would I be able to follow through with it if this was just a fraction of how it would feel to watch him hurt if I walked away from him at the end of the summer?