Needing Forever VOL 1: Part of The Rocker... Series Universe Read online

  “My dad loves you too, Mieke. You’ve always been as much his as Aunt Annabelle’s.”

  “I know that,” I whispered, closing my eyes for a moment. Snapping them open again, I met his blue gaze. “But it’s not the same. Uncle Noah never made me feel left out, not once. But he wasn’t my dad. Mine didn’t want to know about me.”

  “This is out of nowhere though, honey.” Leaning forward, he grasped my hands, giving them a firm squeeze. “You’ve been so happy since Z came into your life. I’ve never seen you smile so much.”

  “I know that too,” I muttered unhappily. “I don’t want to feel this crap right now. I don’t want to suddenly resent my brother or cry every time my phone rings and Dad’s name pops up on the screen. It’s this damn concussion and this stupid headache.”

  His eyes scanned over my face, and he shook his head. “I wish I could make it all better for you. If I could change the past and give you a childhood with your dad, I would. But I can’t. The past is just that, and there’s no going back.”

  Pulling one of my hands free, I covered the top of his, smiling sadly. “I love you, you know that, right?”

  He grinned and winked. “All the ladies love me, sweetheart.”

  Snorting, I picked up my napkin and threw it at his face. He grabbed it in midair and tossed it back. Just as I started to laugh, I felt it.

  Kaden’s eyes.

  Glancing around, I spotted him almost instantly. He was standing at a booth on the other side of the room. Two other people were already sitting in the booth, and I could tell he’d been about to join them. His dark-blue eyes were hooded, not letting me see anything he was thinking, but the set of his jaw told me he wasn’t happy.

  Someone shifted behind him. I focused on her face just as she wrapped her arms around his middle from behind.

  I might have hacked the school’s registrar office while I was waiting for Ben to arrive. And I might have searched for Jade Oliver’s information.

  I knew what her major was and even that her grades didn’t reflect the fact that she had gotten an almost perfect score on her SAT and ACT exams. She either hadn’t been trying hard enough in college, or she’d paid someone to take those entrance exams for her.

  I also knew what she looked like because I’d searched for her on social media.

  The girl now holding on to the guy I thought was mine was Jade. The same chick who called Kaden that morning looking for a hookup.

  Pain like nothing I’d ever felt before sliced through my chest at the sight of her hugging him. It hurt to breathe for a few seconds, and I had to look away before I started crying all over again, only to meet Ben’s confused eyes.

  “Who is that?” he demanded, glancing back to where Kaden was still standing, still looking at me because I could feel his gaze on my head.

  “That’s him.”

  “Who’s the hoe?” he gritted out, his hands balling into fists.

  “No clue,” I lied with a half shrug.

  My cousin stood, then offered me his hand. “You need to get your salad,” he said when I hesitated. “I’ll come with you.”

  Placing my hand in his, I let him lead me to the huge salad bar, but I wasn’t interested in food any longer.

  Releasing my hand, Ben picked up a plate from the stack and started piling on all the things he knew I liked. I followed beside him, still feeling Kaden’s eyes.

  Ben placed the full plate in my hands then picked up a second, scooping up the pasta he saw me eat the last time. Grabbing a few plain breadsticks, he placed them on top of the pasta and took the plate back from me. “Come on, Mieke. You gotta eat.”

  I followed after him again, going back to our table. No sooner had we sat down and he placed my plates in front of me than our waitress arrived with his pizza. Ben tore into his food, devouring three slices before I’d even finished a slice of cucumber.

  Wiping his mouth, he took a drink of his soda before glancing over to where I knew Kaden still was. I hadn’t let myself look his way since I’d seen Jade hug him, but Ben had no problem looking over there now.

  “If looks could kill, I’d be a dead man right now,” he muttered, picking up another slice of pizza. “You want me to go over there and kick his ass?”

  I only shook my head, continuing to nibble on the same slice of cucumber.

  “Damn it, Mieke. You would have been on your third plate of pasta by now. I don’t like this. Let me go beat the fuck out of him, and we’ll both feel better.”

  I dropped my fork back into my salad, pushing it away. “Why? We’re not together. He’s not doing anything wrong.”

  “He’s sitting beside some other girl, who has her hands all over him.” I couldn’t mask the pain those words brought to me, and he cursed again. “I swear to God, woman. You’re freaking killing me right now.”

  “I guess he doesn’t think I’m worth it if he can’t have my heart.” My hand shook when I picked up my glass of Diet Coke, and I had to bite my lip to keep from sobbing.

  Swearing under his breath, Ben jerked to his feet. Tossing a few twenties on the table, he grasped my wrist and pulled me to my feet. I let him guide me through the dining room and out into the heated late summer afternoon.

  I didn’t remember the walk across campus, barely noticed when we stepped into the elevator and he hit the button for my floor. When he pushed open the door to my dorm, I realized Tara was back, but I couldn’t focus on her as Ben pushed me down onto the edge of my bed.

  “Thank fuck you’re here,” I heard him growl at my roommate. “She’s gone kind of catatonic on me. I think this concussion she’s got is making her out of it.”

  “What concussion?” Tara screeched, and seconds later, I felt her hands on my face, her thumb grazing across my forehead. It hurt, but I barely flinched. “How did this happen?”

  Ben explained everything I told him earlier, but I couldn’t contribute any details. All I could do was picture Kaden standing there with other woman’s arms around him. Like she had the right. And him letting her. Like I didn’t matter.

  I couldn’t stop the pain in my chest, the hurt that seemed to go straight to my soul.

  How could you do that, Michelle? I thought as I closed my eyes. How could you already give him your heart without even talking to me about it?

  Because she had.

  Michelle gave Kaden her heart, and now I was the one who felt shattered because he’d already broken it.

  Chapter 6

  Kaden

  Having Mieke tell me I couldn’t have her heart was a stab straight through my own. What was the point of being together if she wasn’t going to love me?

  That was all I could think about as I made her breakfast and then drove her back to her dorm. She talked, but I couldn’t hear anything she said. I was hurting and trying to block out the pain that was trying to swallow me whole.

  But even as she was getting out of my car, a new pain tried to grab hold of me. She was walking away, and all I wanted to do was pull her back in.

  So what if I couldn’t have her heart? I needed her, and as crazy as it sounded, I already knew I loved her. I could love her enough for the both of us.

  Yet I let her walk away, because I still didn’t know how to digest her keeping her heart locked away from me.

  I went back to the frat house, not wanting to be alone with all the shit swirling around in my head. The place was already cleaned up since a crew came in every Saturday to take care of the after-party mess. The living room was already noisy, and I was thankful for the company so I wouldn’t have to think about Mieke.

  When someone said they were hungry, I went with them for pizza. As the three of us were climbing out of Craig’s SUV, Jade was pulling in. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to her, but Craig and Anthony were friends with her too, so they asked her to join us.

  I spotted Mieke before we even got to our booth. Like a magnet, my gaze was drawn to her, and I felt the tightness around my heart ease a little at the sight of her.
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  Until I saw her hand on top of the guy’s she was sitting with. I barely glanced at her date because I suddenly felt frozen in place, unable to take my eyes off her and the fact that she was touching someone else.

  Was this why I couldn’t have her heart? Because it already belonged to someone else?

  Jealousy, rage, but more than anything, hurt rushed through me, and all I could do was stand there and watch her turn her head and meet my gaze. But all too soon, she was looking away, saying something to the guy in front of her.

  Jade tugged me down into the booth beside her, already talking a mile a minute to Craig and Anthony, but I didn’t hear a word she said. She laughed a few times, her hand touching my arm, her head resting against me from time to time—all in the span of just a few minutes. Jade was like that, though, all touchy-feely with people. Even people she didn’t know—she would go up to them and touch them in some way. After four years of being her friend, I was used to it and didn’t even think anything of it.

  The waitress appeared and took our drink orders. On autopilot, I told her what I wanted, but I kept my eyes locked on Mieke.

  The guy seemed to know her well. I watched him lead her over to the salad bar. He filled up two plates for her, and she never once corrected him. Then he carried both plates back to their booth and urged her to eat, but she only picked at her food while he inhaled his pizza.

  I didn’t even know what his face looked like, but I hated the bastard. I wanted nothing more than to go over there and knock his ass out, but I knew Mieke would get mad at me if I did. Her not getting upset was more important to me than blowing off steam, however.

  “Holy crap!” Jade exclaimed when Mieke and her date stood up. “I thought that guy looked familiar, but damn, I never thought it would actually be him.”

  “Who?” Craig asked as I watched the guy take Mieke’s hand in his and lead her away.

  She didn’t look my way even once, and I was fighting myself not to run after her and rip her away from her date.

  “Ben Cassidy,” Jade hissed, leaning forward so she wouldn’t be overheard. “That is Noah Cassidy’s son. So that must have been his cousin, Mieke… Wait! Do they go here? No, no.” She shook her head, answering her own question. “I follow Ben on Twitter. He still has like a year of high school left. But I think his cousin might go here.”

  I tore my eyes away from Mieke’s retreating back. “What did you say?”

  “Ben Cassidy,” she repeated with a roll of her eyes. “His dad used to be a country music singer, but he writes and produces songs now. He’s so hot… Ben too.”

  “Fuck!” I groaned, scrubbing my hands up over my face and into my hair.

  That was her cousin. I should have realized who he was. His picture popped up more than a few times when I Googled Mieke, after all. But I hadn’t wanted to look at the face of the guy the woman I loved was out with. Especially after she’d told me point-blank she wasn’t going to give me her heart.

  Jumping to my feet, I grabbed a few bills out of my wallet and tossed them on the table.

  “Wait,” Jade whined. “Where are you going? I thought we were going to spend the afternoon together.”

  I paused, frowning down at her. “When did I say that?”

  “Like ten minutes ago,” she said, looking at me like I was slow. “I said, do you want to go back to your place and fool around? You grunted a yes.”

  I hadn’t even been listening to anything she said. A few times, I’d made noncommittal noises just to shut her up, but I hadn’t thought much about it. For fuck’s sake, what had I missed while I was watching Mieke?

  “Look, Jade,” I told her, making sure she understood what I was about to say. “There will not be any fooling around or hooking up or anything else. Ever. I’m with someone now, and I love her.”

  “Then why the hell didn’t you just say that earlier?” she demanded, glaring up at me. “Instead, you let me sit here and practically molest you for like twenty minutes. If you’re so in love with this girl, you have a really funny way of showing it, dumbass. All you had to say was you were with someone, and I wouldn’t have even flirted with you this whole time.”

  “You did?” Shit, what had Mieke seen when she’d looked at me with Jade?

  Goddamn it. I’d fucked up, and I hadn’t even realized it.

  “If I were your girlfriend, I would probably break up with you if I saw the way you were letting Jade all over you just now, man,” Craig told me before taking a huge bite of his slice of pizza. “She was rubbing on you like a cat in heat…no offense, Jade.”

  “None taken. But I wouldn’t have done that if he’d just told me he was with someone.”

  “Nah, honey. We know that,” Anthony assured her. “You’re allowed to have fun. Carmichael here was just being a douche.”

  He was right. I was being a total douchebag. To Jade, but especially to Mieke. Fuck, I’d just sat there and let Jade touch me over and over again, while the one I wanted was probably in agony across the room. She hadn’t eaten much, I remembered. And her face had been so pale when she left with her cousin.

  I was out the door and running after them in the next seconds, but they were already a good distance away. Even running, I didn’t catch up with them until they were walking into her dorm. I was fifty feet away when the door closed behind them.

  Shit. I needed either to be buzzed in or have a keycard to swipe to get in. From the glass double doors, I watched Ben guide Mieke into the elevator, and I saw the numbers rise on the elevator. I didn’t know what room she was in, but at least now I knew what floor they got off on.

  I waited there for fifteen minutes with no other signs of life other than the squirrels running up the trees surrounding the dorm. Shit, if my dad were there, he could have hacked the lock system, and I would have been inside within a matter of seconds. Desperation had me pulling out my phone, hoping he could just talk me through what I needed to do, when there was movement from inside.

  The elevator doors opened, and Ben walked off, carrying Mieke. She had her head pressed against his chest, and I heard soft sobs coming from her that broke my heart the instant they reached my ears.

  He kicked open the entrance door, his blue gaze landing on mine. “Get lost,” he snarled.

  “Is it her head?” I asked him, stepping in his way, ready to take her out of his arms and cradle her against me. “She shouldn’t have been out of bed. Concussions are dangerous.”

  “Oh yeah? Is that why you dropped her off and went to have lunch with the slut bunny?” He shouldered past me and started walking toward the parking lot.

  Rubbing my hands over my face, I followed. “No, damn it. She asked me to bring her back to her dorm, and I did. But she said she was going to take it easy. She promised me she would sleep.”

  “First rule of Mieke, don’t believe anything she says when she’s just trying to get away from you. Next thing you know, she’s on a plane to God knows where. Or your entire digital world is turned upside down. Either way, you’re fucked.”

  He said it casually, yet at the same time, it was like he was telling me how dangerous a tornado was. Maybe warning me away. But I already knew what a whirlwind Mieke Cassidy was, and I wasn’t going to walk away.

  “Are you taking her to the hospital?” I demanded, my heart contracting when Mieke only continued to cry. “They will admit her if you do. Let me take her, and you can call her parents.”

  “Not happening, man,” he tossed over his shoulder as he stopped beside a Nissan Titan and opened the passenger door. Carefully, he placed her in the front seat and leaned across her to put on her seat belt. When he pulled back, I saw her face, the tears running down her pale cheeks. He brushed a kiss over her forehead. “Just hold on, okay, honey?”

  “I want to talk to Michelle,” she told him weakly. “Please?”

  “Yeah, Mieke. I know. That’s where we’re going.” Stepping back, he closed the door and turned to glare at me. “Look, I don’t know what game you’
re playing with my cousin, but I don’t like it. If you were just trying to get back at her for not giving you her heart, then it worked. But you don’t know what makes Mieke tick. If you did, you never would have questioned her feelings for you.”

  “I don’t care if she will ever give me her heart or not,” I told him honestly. “I love her enough for the both of us. Back at the restaurant, it wasn’t what it looked like. Jade wasn’t there with me, and I was so jealous of you that I didn’t even notice what she was doing. I didn’t want to upset Mieke by knocking your ass out in front of her. But when you left, Jade recognized you, and I realized my mistake.”

  He blew out a long, hard sigh. “I get it. Really, I do. And if she weren’t so upset right now, I would laugh at the fact that you were even jealous of me. But she is upset, more than I’ve ever seen her in my life, and she’s been through some fucked-up shit, man.”

  “Just give me ten minutes. I’ll fix it, and I won’t ever make her cry again,” I vowed.

  Ben grimaced. “I can’t do that.”

  “Please,” I begged, feeling like my life was on the line here.

  “No, but you should follow us. I think it will clear up some stuff for you.” He lifted his chin. “I would say get in the back and come with, but if she suddenly snaps out of it and notices you’re in the same vehicle with us, I can’t say she won’t grab the wheel and wreck us. Safer to just follow behind us.”

  “To the hospital?”

  He shook his head. “Nah. What she needs isn’t at any hospital. It’s a little bit of a drive, so stay close.”

  With that, he climbed into the driver’s side.

  Fuck. My car was back at the house. “Give me five minutes,” I called out, and he nodded.

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