The Rocker That Holds Her (The Rocker...) Read online

  Any stupid ideas that I might have harbored the day before were just that—stupid. Besides, I was sure that she didn’t want the same thing. She hadn’t so much as hinted that she even liked me as more than a friend.

  Deflated, I moved so she was lying beside of me on the couch instead of on top of me. Emmie’s big green eyes snapped open and she frowned up at me. “Are you okay?”

  My lips lifted in a half smile. “Yeah, baby girl. I’m fine.” I pulled her close, tucking her head under my chin. “Just fine.”

  Chapter 5

  Sleep Aid?

  Fighting something mentally is probably a million times harder than fighting a physical being. I’ve been in fights before. Some I’ve won, some I’ve lost. But once the fight was over, I walked away stronger, sometimes a little more proud, and that was that.

  Fighting these feelings I had for Emmie?

  Fuck that was hard. I couldn’t just walk away from that. It didn’t stop hurting, didn’t stop eating at my mind and soul. I became a walking hard-on even after a night of anything-goes sex with some random groupie. It was getting to the point now that I didn’t even see who I was having sex with. They all looked like Emmie, even when they were her complete opposite in appearance with big tits, curvy hips, and dark hair. When I was deep inside of them all I could think about was her.

  Last night, as I took another girl against the bathroom stall in the bathroom backstage, I had even cried Emmie’s name as I had come. The girl didn’t seem to care, mostly because she was drunk and probably a little high. Still it had hit home that I couldn’t keep going on like I was.

  My desire wasn’t the only thing growing stronger day by day. My feelings of possessiveness and jealousy were getting to the point that others were starting to notice. Not Emmie, of course. She wouldn’t even think to question how I felt about her. She was blind to that. But Jesse and even Shane at times, had stopped and questioned me about how I was acting.

  I wasn’t in a good place. Our Australian tour had just kicked off, hot on the heels after the three months of being in Europe and six weeks in New Zealand. The stress of everything was piling up on me. Between being in a new city almost every other night, being unable to sleep without Emmie haunting my dreams, and trying to hide from my band brothers how fucked up I was, I was bone tired.

  The only peace I had was when she fell asleep beside me. Thankfully she was doing that a lot lately. Emmie might not have realized that I was crazy about her, but she did see how exhausted I was. She was worried about me, and on top of taking care of everything else that we happened to need, she was making it her job to make sure I got enough sleep.

  “I brought you some home remedy sleep aids,” she told me as she dropped a bag at the end of my bed and flopped down beside of me.

  I was stretched out on my bed, in yet another hotel, wearing nothing more than a pair of boxers. I was comfortable for what felt like the first time in months, happier than I had been in longer than I could remember. Why? Because Emmie was camping out in my room tonight. She had promised me all kinds of innocent things that to me were going to be sweet torture.

  Pushing her hair back from her face, she opened the bag. “Tea. Milk which we can warm in the microwave. Massage oils that are supposed to help you fall asleep. What I paid for them, they had better induce a coma.” She pulled her iPhone out of her hip pocket. “And some soothing music. I’ve been listening to ocean waves a lot lately. Want to give them a try?”

  I shrugged. “Whatever you think is best, baby girl.”

  I watched contentedly as she made me a cup of some kind of herbal tea. It was bitter, even with sugar, but I didn’t complain as I swallowed half the contents. My taste buds stopped working anyway when Emmie pulled her sleep pants off and tied her hair back with a black band.

  “I don’t want to get oil on my pants,” she said as she turned on the ocean waves soundtrack and placed three different bottles of massage oils on the bedside table, not knowing that the sight of her in only a T-shirt and panties made my mind go blank of everything but the thoughts of doing things to her I had no right to think.

  “Okay, roll onto your stomach,” she commanded.

  Oh, fuck! How was I supposed to lie on my stomach and let her touch me? Was it really possible to break your dick? Well, I guess I was about to find out!

  Rolling over, I bunched my pillow up and hugged it while she climbed on top of me. When her panty clad pussy settled on my hips, I had to bite the pillow to keep from growling. She felt so warm even through two layers of clothing. All I wanted in the world in that instant was to roll her onto her back and discover if her hot little pussy smelled and tasted as good as it felt against my ass.

  Emmie shifted to pick up the first bottle of massage oil. The scent of lavender and vanilla filled the air as she poured some of the oil into her hands. The scent set me at ease since those were the scents that I normally associated with Emmie. Even with my cock throbbing, drilling a hole into the mattress as it grew harder, my heart rate slowed a little. Breathing a sigh of contentment, I closed my eyes.

  I could hear Emmie rubbing her hands together to warm the oil and then her soft hands touched my bare back. It was like being electrocuted, only in the best possible way. My blood started to heat, goose flesh popping up wherever she touched. Those wonderful hands of hers stroked firmly up my back and gently down over my spine.

  A groan I was helpless to contain slipped free and Emmie giggled softly. “I’m glad you like this.”

  Each touch of her fingers and the flat of her palm were both soothing and distracting. My body was at war with itself, wanting to both relax yet ready to play. But I was greedy for her touch and didn’t so much as move or speak as she worked those incredibly magical hands over my back for nearly an hour. The room began to fill with the scent of the oils, and I found that I was becoming addicted to the smell of lavender mixed with sweet vanilla.

  “How are you feeling?” Emmie asked as she put the lid back on the last bottle of oil. “Feeling sleepy?”

  I had to clear my throat before I could speak. “Something like that,” I muttered. While she still had her back to me, I rolled out of bed and went into the bathroom. “Be right back,” I called over my shoulder.

  If there was any hope of getting any sleep tonight I had to take care of the pain in my dick. I closed the bathroom door and flipped the lock just to make sure that I had the privacy I needed. Leaning back against the door I pulled my throbbing cock from my boxers and squeezed the shaft.

  It felt so good and I had to grit my teeth to keep from groaning in pleasure. My head fell back against the door, and I closed my eyes as I stroked myself. The fresh memory of Emmie’s hands all over my back gave me all the visual I needed as I jacked off. I pretended it was her hands on my aching flesh, stroking me toward completion. My heart rate took off as my balls tightened, and I knew it was going to be over sooner than I had anticipated. Muttering a curse because I didn’t want it to be over yet, I reached for a hand towel and wrapped it around the head of my dick as my release exploded from the tip.

  When I could breathe evenly again I flushed the toilet and washed my hands, knowing that Emmie would bitch at me if I didn’t. Opening the door, I found her already under the covers, her head on one of my pillows and a cup of warm milk ready for me on the bedside table. For a moment I just stood there in the doorway of the bathroom. With the lights dimmed it cast a soft glow over the bed and Emmie’s skin. Her hair was spread over both pillows, and I pretended for a moment that we were a couple and I had every right to climb into bed beside her and make love to her until dawn.

  “How are you feeling?” she asked with concern.

  I moved away from the door. “I feel…” Like my heart is going to burst from my chest if I don’t tell you how much I care about you. “…better.”

  “We can do this again tomorrow night if you want to,” she offered, cuddling close when I crawled under the covers with her. “If you don’t find something that w
ill keep you busy after the show.”

  My gut twisted. She was so nonchalant about it, as if it wasn’t a problem for her that I slept with random girls so often. Meanwhile I was left with a ball of guilt, as if I had cheated on her, after I fucked those girls. It was becoming more than I could handle, and I was getting to the point that I rarely sought out a girl to keep me company at the end of each show anymore.

  I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her close, tucking her head under my chin. “Tomorrow night it is, baby girl.”

  Emmie’s Enemy

  “I hate her!”

  “Why?”

  “Because …” Emmie broke off. “Just fucking because.”

  Jesse sighed. “I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

  “I don’t need you to fucking fix it. Just let me be pissed, okay?”

  I heard the raised voices coming from the bus before I even opened the door. When I heard how upset Emmie was I had a sudden urge to run for the hills. A pissed off Emmie was not something I wanted to deal with today. Three weeks into the Australian tour and I was ready for a break. Not just a few days, but a month long break from everything.

  “I don’t like it when you’re pissed. Just tell me what happened,” Jesse commanded.

  Hearing my best friend consoling her made up my mind for me, and I opened the door to our tour bus. More and more I saw how close Jesse and Emmie were. Part of me knew that they were just friends, that Jesse would only ever think of her as his sister. He was a better man than I was, after all. But another part of me, the irrational part of me that was associated with Emmie and all my crazy feelings for her, didn’t see it that way. That part saw every little thing my friend did as romantic, lover-like. I hated for them to be alone for even a moment. Hated to see him cuddling with her or see her laugh with him when I wasn’t around.

  Stepping onto the bus, their conversation became even clearer, and I stopped at the front to listen for another moment. I had no idea who she was that Emmie hated, but there weren’t many shes to choose from. Other than Emmie, there was only about ten other females touring this go-round.

  “I was just minding my own business, making sure that everything was ready for you guys tonight. I didn’t even look in the bitch’s direction. And she had the gall to come up to me and…” Emmie stopped and let out a high screech, venting some of her anger. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter. I hate her, that’s final.”

  “She’s a little hard-core, I’ll give you that, Em. But I hadn’t gotten that vindictive bitch vibe from Gabriella before.”

  I frowned. Gabriella Moreitti? Emmie was having problems with the opening act’s vocals? Why would they be arguing? It didn’t make sense.

  Unless… OtherWorld was also headlining our tour, and I had seen that Axton and Gabriella were sparking off of each other. Could the two girls be arguing because they both wanted Axton and were jealous of each other?

  Not sure if I wanted to know the answer to that particular question, I moved to the back of the bus were Jesse and Emmie were still talking. “What’s all the commotion about back here?” I demanded as I entered our living room.

  Jesse shrugged. “Emmie and Gabriella got into it pretty heatedly backstage a while ago.”

  Emmie’s eyes glared at me for a moment before she turned her head away, hiding her eyes from me. But not before I caught a glimpse of hurt and pain in those big green eyes. What had I done? I couldn’t help but wonder because she had looked accusingly at me for that brief moment.

  “Emmie doesn’t get along with other members of her sex,” I excused, frustrated with Emmie’s sudden snub. “It’s not exactly a surprise, Jess.”

  “I don’t really give a fuck either way. But she started it with Emmie and now Emmie is upset. So something needs to happen here, bro.”

  I thrust my hands into the front pockets of my jeans. “Emmie is almost twenty years old now, Jesse. She can handle a little female squabble on her own.”

  I wasn’t expecting the coffee cup to go flying by my head. I yelped and looked at Emmie. She was standing there with another coffee cup ready and waiting to be hurled at my head. She was almost shaking with her anger. “Fuck you, asshole!” And she threw the cup.

  I had time to move out of the way this time. “What the hell is wrong with you?” I demanded, shocked by this sudden rage coming from her. “I didn’t do a damned thing to you!”

  “Just leave me alone, Nik. I’m done with it all anyway.” She pushed past me and practically ran from the bus.

  I turned to follow her because I was sure she had had tears in her eyes. I couldn’t stand her tears. They were like acid to my soul. A big beefy hand caught my shoulder, stopping me from taking another step. “Don’t. Just give her a little while to calm down.”

  My head drooped. “What just happened?”

  Jesse sighed. “A bunch of idiots that refuse to open their eyes happened,” he muttered.

  Confused and not for the first time in as many minutes, I raised my head to ask him what he meant but he was already leaving me to follow after Emmie.

  Chapter 6

  Twenty-one

  Planning a surprise party for the person that normally runs almost every aspect of your life is fucking hard.

  Between trying to pay for the club, ordering the food, and making sure that only the right people were invited was no piece of cake. Yet somehow, between the four of us, we got it done. Of course I was reluctant to admit that Axton helped us out with a lot of it. Damned man, now he would get to share in the credit and Emmie was going to be all kinds of gushy over that.

  Jesse offered to keep Emmie busy while we set up. I wanted to be the one to do it, but he spoke up quicker than I had and I didn’t want to argue over it. It was just a little alone time with Emmie after all. I wasn’t jealous, or even pouty about it. Not even a little bit…

  Yeah, I’m a liar. I was completely jealous and more than a little pouty. I didn’t speak to anyone as I filled balloons with helium and helped hang the banner that read: Happy Birthday Emmie! I wanted to be with Emmie, picking out the new tattoo with her that she said was the only thing she wanted for her birthday.

  “Drake!” Shane called from the back of the club where he and Axton were setting up the gift table. “Put the fucking bottle down and help us out, brother.”

  I glanced over at my friend who was sitting at the bar watching us do the grunt work while he took a swig from an almost full bottle of Jack Daniels. I grimaced, wondering if Emmie would end up sleeping beside him tonight if the nightmares became unmanageable. I worried about Drake on a daily basis. Most days I prayed that he would hold on a little longer and be able to fight the demons that haunted him for just another day more.

  “You got it covered, dude. There’s nothing left to do.”

  He was right. The buffet table that groaned under the weight of all of Emmie’s favorite foods was set up. The bartender was making sure that he had enough liquor to handle a shit load of rockers—plus Drake. The gift table was loaded with gifts of all shapes and sizes. I had hung red and black skull balloons throughout the club, because Emmie was a freak for skulls. And the banner which had taken me and Drake twenty minutes to put up was hanging perfectly.

  Now all we had to do was wait for the birthday girl.

  Taking a page out of Drake’s book, I picked up a bottle and took a long pull from it. It was Patron, and I had learned that out of all the liquor in the world tequila fucked me up the worst. Tonight, I needed the numbness.

  Six weeks ago I had realized that I wasn’t just lusting after Emmie. I was full blown in love with that girl… woman. She was a woman now. One hundred percent. Either way, I loved her. And if she showed one little hint that she felt even a little of what I felt, then I would jump through the fires of Hell to make her mine.

  But she hadn’t. There was nothing to suggest that she even liked me as more than a friend, let alone wanted me. It was a hard pill to swallow, but I wasn’t about to disrupt our
friendship—the only fucking link I had to her—by telling her how I felt when she obviously didn’t feel the same.

  My head and heart were in agreement on that subject at least. My dick on the other hand? Not so much. I hadn’t had sex in nearly two months now, a record for me. Two months of being unable to respond to the girls lining up to let me between their legs. Two months of only getting hard when Emmie was in the same room as me. My right hand was getting callused from all the jacking I was doing now.

  I was down to half a bottle of Patron when the bouncer gave us the signal that Jesse and Emmie had arrived. The club wasn’t overly crowded. All five of OtherWorld’s band members had shown up. They adored Emmie, some more than others if the way Axton kept sniffing around was any indication. Rich had come. We had invited him out of respect for our manager, not because we had actually wanted him there. The two bands that we were on tour with at the moment were also in attendance, plus the road crew that had been with us for four years now. All in all there was a total of about thirty people, with only about twelve of them being female.

  The bartender dimmed the lights and Shane lit the candles on the cake while we all gathered around the pink and black skull shaped birthday cake. We heard the door open and Drake and I started singing Happy Birthday.

  “What?!” Emmie exclaimed when she saw what we had done. Her eyes grew bright and she had the biggest smile on her face as she came closer with Jesse right behind her. “Oh Gods!”

  Everyone joined in on the birthday song, and she was openly laughing as she stood over the huge cake. I pushed Wroth aside so I could wrap my arms around her tiny waist and kissed her cheek after I had finished the song. “Happy birthday, baby girl. Make a wish.” Wish for me! I silently begged.