The Rocker That Needs Me (The Rocker...) Read online

  “I could eat,” Drake agreed. “What do you feel like eating, Angel?”

  I sat between them in the back of the taxi, leaning into Drake more so I could have an excuse to touch him. “I don’t care. Anything sounds good right now.” It was almost dinner time, and I was running on a Pop-tart and a bag of chips. I was hungry enough to be borderline ravenous.

  The little Italian place that Shane picked was amazing. I ate all of my Chicken Parmesan and was still hungry, so I started picking off of Drake’s plate. His Triple Trio of lasagna, bruschetta, and shrimp with spaghetti was amazing. The company was even better than the food. Just being with Drake eased something deep inside of me. I enjoyed being around Shane almost as much. He had a way of making me laugh when I didn’t want to.

  As we lingered over dessert—some kind of incredible Tiramisu that made me moan on the first bite—I found that I didn’t want the evening to end. The day in general had sucked, but the evening couldn’t have been more perfect if I had tried. I tried to make every bite of dessert last a little longer.

  “Don’t you like it?” Shane asked as he took his last bite.

  “It’s delicious,” I assured him.

  “Got a text from Jesse,” Drake said as he dropped down in his chair after having come back from the bathroom. “We aren’t going into the studio tomorrow or the rest of the week. Emmie had to go to the doctor this morning and she has to rest.” His brow was wrinkled in concern. “The doctor is still talking about a C-section.”

  “Well she is kind of tiny, Dray.” Shane tossed back the rest of his wine. “And if that kid is anything like Nik, she’s going to have a huge head. This will probably be better for Em.”

  “I guess,” Drake muttered, swallowing the last of his coffee. “I guess I’m just terrified of the unknown.”

  “She’s in the best hands, bro. You know Nik wouldn’t let her be in anything but.” His words were to offer comfort, but I wondered if he was trying to comfort himself too.

  I knew that Emmie was special to the four members of Demon’s Wings. She was the sun that they all seemed to revolve around. I loved that they could feel so deeply for her. It showed me that beneath the badass rocker persona they were good guys. Up until I met them I had thought that all rockers were the same. Douche bags and assholes. Mom’s life had shown me that side of the rocker world, and I had hated every second of it. Drake and his band brothers had proved to me that there were some good guys floating around in the rock world after all.

  “Do you have homework?” Drake surprised me by changing the subject.

  I shook my head. “I finished my Calculus while I waited for you two to show up.”

  “Think Layla would get mad if we didn’t go straight home?” He was pulling his wallet out and tossing a few large bills on the table.

  Had he read my mind? I wasn’t ready to go home either. “She texted me and told me that she was having dinner with Jesse. They’re taking Lucy out for mac and cheese.”

  Shane laughed. “He loves his mac and cheese. Now he has an excuse to get it as often as possible.”

  “Let’s go to a movie,” Drake suggested. “I haven’t been to a movie in forever.”

  Shane snorted. “No thanks.” He stood. “Since we aren’t going into the studio tomorrow. I’m going to find something a little more X-rated to keep me occupied.” Drake muttered something under his breath, causing Shane to laugh. “You got it, bro.”

  “Don’t make Emmie worry. Come home tonight.”

  “I’ll do my best.” But Shane was still grinning. He placed a kiss on top of my head. “Have fun. See you later.”

  “Bye, Shane.” I watched him go and then turned back to the big man seated across from me. “Still want to see a movie?”

  “If you feel up to it.” But I could tell he was really looking forward to going to see one. The idea of being in a dark theater with Drake sitting beside me was too appealing to turn down.

  “Anything scary out?” I loved scary movies. The way the suspense made your heart race was incredible. Usually, I was the girl screaming, but I never covered my eyes to hide from the monster on the screen.

  His eyes sparkled. “I’m sure we could find something scary.”

  Paranormal Activity 2 had me clutching Drake’s arm throughout the movie. I screamed a few times, but I wasn’t the only one. I felt safe with the big man seated next to me, his arm resting along the back of my chair and the popcorn sitting between us. It felt so good, so normal.

  --

  The weeks passed so quickly I didn’t have time to really look at what was going on outside in the real world. Jesse and my sister were getting serious. Emmie’s belly was getting even bigger. School was the same old shit over and over again.

  What I had labeled as a crush was turning into something deeper, and it scared the hell out of me. Drake was becoming very important to me, and I didn’t know how to handle it. All I did know was that I couldn’t go two minutes without thinking about him. I felt like if I didn’t see him every day, or get a dozen texts from him, I would go insane with this all-consuming love inside my heart. As hard as I tried to keep reminding myself that we were just friends, my heart refused to listen.

  Layla threw Emmie a surprise baby shower, and it was a big success. Emmie, the hard-ass that normally took care of everyone else, was getting taken care of for a change, and she cried like the hormonal pregnant woman she was. It was a great day.

  The next day Jesse loaded us up and took us to SeaWorld. The four of us felt like a family that day, and I felt like I could get used to it. Jesse was constantly holding Layla’s hand and even carried Lucy on his shoulders when her feet got tired. The only thing that could have made the day better was if Drake had come with us.

  But he had still been in bed when we left that morning. I wasn’t blind to Drake’s flaws. I knew that he was a heavy drinker. I wished he would find a way to give up his addiction. I wanted to be more important to him, special enough for him to give up the liquor for me, but I knew that that wasn’t going to happen. I was just his friend—okay, I was likely his best friend—and it wasn’t going to change.

  The next weekend I got the surprise of my life when Drake pulled out all the stops and threw me a surprise birthday party. I was officially eighteen now, and there was no one I wanted to celebrate adulthood more with than Drake… His present on the other hand caused a mammoth fight.

  The white Audi A6 was a dream car. It was also pretty expensive in my book. I didn’t want to take it. Hadn’t the stupid man realized that I didn’t want him to buy me things like this? I almost refused it, but Emmie stepped in and made me feel like the biggest bitch that walked the earth. “It’s yours. Your name is on the paper work. Take the car and stop tormenting him!”

  I hadn’t realized that I was tormenting him, but once she had said that I knew it was true. He only wanted the best for me. Layla’s car had broken down more than once in the last three weeks. One of those times I had nearly been in an accident because the car had stalled in the middle of an intersection. The car was his way of keeping me safe.

  I threw my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. “Thanks for the car, Drake. I love it! Will you come with me while I test drive it?”

  Just like that I was forgiven. He didn’t even scold me when I got out on the highway and pushed the Audi to its limits. At one point I glanced over at him and he had the biggest grin on his face. When he smiled like that, his eyes glowed with pure unadulterated joy, and it took my breath away.

  The following weekend all hell broke loose. Jesse took Layla to a party at a friend’s Drake stayed home with me, and we made popcorn and watched a couple of movies. When I asked about their friend Tom and realized that Tom was Tommy Kirkman, I went a little ballistic.

  “No!” I jumped up, already reaching for my keys. Lucy was asleep in the bedroom. I couldn’t leave her alone. “Fuck!”

  “Angel, what’s the matter?” Drake demanded, concerned. No wonder, I was acting crazy
.

  “I have to get to Layla!” I had to get her the hell away from Tommy Kirkman. My sister was going to need me. “Can you stay with Lucy?”

  Drake grabbed my arms, stopping me from running out the door. “What is the matter, Lana?”

  Lana. He never called me Lana anymore. It was always Angel. I was his angel and that was the way I wanted it to stay. “Tommy Kirkman?” He nodded his head. “He’s Layla’s dad.”

  That was all he needed to know for the moment. He called Nik and told him to come over to stay with Lucy, and then he was dragging me to the Audi and pushing me into the passenger seat. Within minutes we were headed toward Beverly Hills. Then he was demanding answers. “Why didn’t you tell me Tommy was Layla’s father?”

  “Because we don’t talk about our dads. They are touchy subjects that neither one of us are willing to bring up. I had no idea that your friend Tom was Tommy.” It was a nightmare that the guy that Drake had told me was the guy that had taken him and the band under his wing was the dirt bag that had fathered my sister.

  “Who is your father, Angel?” Drake suddenly asked.

  I closed my eyes. Sadly enough, Tommy Kirkman was just as bad as my own father. “I don’t want to talk about it, Drake.” I whispered.

  “Angel…”

  “He isn’t important,” I told him. “He didn’t want me and I don’t want him! Please, just don’t make me talk about him.”

  Drake was quiet the rest of the drive into the Hills.

  The rest of that night was crazy. Layla left the party with me and Drake, leaving Jesse behind. I was sure that Layla was going to pack us up and move. I could feel the tension building in Drake with each passing minute. A long while later, Jesse showed up beat all to hell. He had a bruised kidney, and the band ended up taking another week off from going into the studio.

  Emmie scared us all the following Monday. Her water broke a week before her scheduled C-section, and she had to have an emergency C-section. Layla texted me from the hospital, and I left school to pick up Lucy. By the time I got there, the baby was already making herself known to the world!

  I watched while the guys passed the little bundle of pink sweetness around. It was freaky to see all those big men with the tiny baby in their arms. They all stared down at her in wonder, and I could actually see their hearts getting tied to her. When Drake held her for the first time, I had to keep from crying. He was so careful with her, so lost in the moment of holding his little niece.

  I had a mad moment of insanity and actually imagined him holding our baby like that one day. But I was only dreaming. No way was that going to happen. Drake made it clear and more clear every day that we were only friends.

  Chapter 4

  Drake

  The addiction that I had for Lana and the peace she brought me escalated. Before I realized it was happening, I was spending every spare second with her. Sometimes I would have dinner with her and her sisters, or I would take her into the city and we would have a night out. At one point she even talked me into karaoke. Lana might look like an angel, but she didn’t have the voice of one. I laughed until she punched me in the stomach when she sang Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.

  The night of Tom’s party was a bad night for me. Tom had been like a father figure to all of us, and that night I got to see just what kind of scumbag he really was. On top of that, I was terrified when I realized that Layla might leave. I didn’t know if I could handle it if she took Lana away and I couldn’t see her every day. To say I was relieved when she and Jesse made up was an understatement if I ever heard one.

  Everyone was trying to prepare themselves for Emmie’s C-section. The doctor asked all of us to come in and sat us down to explain what to expect the morning of the delivery. I thought I was ready. Really I did…

  When she went into labor early and had to have an emergency C-section, I realized that no amount of planning would make me ready to see the fear in Emmie’s eyes as the doctor prepped her for surgery. I just wanted to hold her until it was all over, but only Nik was allowed in the OR with her. Layla offered us all some comfort, rubbing my back as we waited for Nik to come out and tell us that Emmie was okay. It was soothing, but I wanted Lana there.

  My angel didn’t get to the hospital until it was almost time to see Emmie and the baby. When I saw her walking into the waiting room with Lucy beside her it felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest and I could breathe again. After tossing a greeting out to everyone, she sat down in the uncomfortable plastic chair next to me.

  “Congratulations. You’re an uncle!”

  I laughed and pulled her close, brushing a kiss over her cheek. “I guess I am.”

  Holding Mia for the first time was a thrill in its own way. She was so tiny and I was terrified of dropping her. Lana showed me how to hold her head, and I had a moment of insanity and refused to even acknowledge the thought as soon as it flashed through my mind. When I saw her with that pink bundle in her arms, smiling down at my niece, I couldn’t hide from it any more.

  What would it be like to hold our child?

  That was never going to happen! Lana was my friend, my best friend. When she had babies, I wasn’t going to be their daddy…

  That thought just made me pissed, and I left the hospital earlier than the others. I got lost in a bottle of Jack when I got home and stayed in my room for the rest of the night. I didn’t want to think about Lana’s future, especially if it included a husband and kids. That night as I fell into my nightmares, they were different. Instead of the past they were the future. I woke up in a pile of sweat just as Lana was walking down the aisle to some faceless prick.

  I tried to pull back a little after that, but my resolve lasted about an hour before I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Still, I tried to make it clear to Lana—and in turn clearer to myself—that we would only ever be friends. I could see that her feelings were growing for me, and I didn’t want her to waste her time and have her fall for me when I wasn’t good enough for her…

  The week after Thanksgiving my feelings were shoved down my throat. I had to wake up quick to what was going on around me, especially when I walked into the guesthouse to find Layla packing. Her suitcase was sitting beside the door, and she had obviously been crying.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” I exploded, unable to contain the fear that made my chest ache.

  She shrugged. “Packing.”

  “No. No way.” I shook my head, my hair falling into my face but I ignored it. “Where is Angel?” I demanded, glancing around for any sign of Lana. Jesse had pulled her outside with him, and I had figured that they were over here at the guesthouse.

  “I thought she was with you.”

  “Jesse grabbed her and left. I figured she would be here.” I glared at her. “Why are you packing, Layla? Why are you crying?”

  “Because we are leaving.” Her matter of fact tone had the blood draining from my face. “Look, you will still see Lana anytime you want. Just because we leave doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends.”

  “No. You aren’t leaving!” I shouted. “I can’t… You can’t…” I wasn’t even making sense to myself let alone to her.

  “Drake…” Layla started to say something, but I took a step back. This woman was about to take the best thing in my world away from me. I needed Lana and the peace she brought with her. I wouldn’t survive without her.

  The door opened and Lana walked in. Relief washed over me when I saw her. “You can’t go, Angel!” I grasped her hands and held on tight. “Tell her!” I begged.

  Her arms wrapped around me, and I buried my face in her neck. “Of course I’m not going anywhere,” she whispered.

  I pulled her to the couch and fell with her on my lap, keeping my face in her neck. The scent of her shampoo and lotion calmed me ever so slightly. Her fingers stroked over my jaw, making me hold on tighter. I couldn’t let her go. No matter what, I needed her…

  Oh, fuck! I was in love with her.

  I loved La
na.

  Not as just a friend, but I really loved her. It was new to me, and I was still determined that I wasn’t going to touch her—at least not until she was older. In that terrifying instant I knew I was going to marry this girl. One day. She just needed time to grow up and experience the world a little more. And I would keep her safe until then.

  “What are you doing, Layla?” Lana demanded quietly.

  “Packing. We are moving, Lana. Tonight.”

  “Why? Why do we have to go?”

  I tuned out Layla’s answer. I didn’t want to know why she was trying to take away my whole world. I might have even hated her right then. I didn’t care if she was upset with Jesse. If she couldn’t see how much my friend loved her, then that was her problem.

  Lana jumped to her feet, and I missed her warmth. “Have you lost your mind?” she yelled at her sister. “Do you not see how much he loves you?”

  “I know what I heard, Lana.”

  “You only think you do! Go talk to him. Let him explain.”

  “No, thank you. I’ve heard all I need to know.”

  Lana crouched down in front of me. “Drake, go get Jesse. Get Emmie too.” She pulled me to my feet. “Tell them to hurry.”

  Knowing that if I didn’t get Jesse to come fix whatever was broken with Layla, and Lana wouldn’t be there come morning, I ran into the house and found Emmie in the living room with a cup of milk in her hands. She took one look at my face and grabbed me.

  “Drake? What’s the matter?” she demanded.

  “Lana…” I shook my head, unable to form words with my heart beating so fast.

  Emmie’s eyes darkened. “Of course. It’s always got something to do with Lana,” she muttered. “I’ll deal with it.”

  I didn’t have time to correct her. Instead, I took the stairs three at a time. Jesse’s bedroom door was closed; I didn’t even knock as I barged in. He wasn’t there, but the shower was running in the bathroom connected to his room. I didn’t hesitate as I opened up the shower door. It wasn’t the first time I had seen Jesse’s junk, and it wouldn’t be the last.