Tainted Butterfly Read online

  “I haven’t talked to you in days,” he grumbled, sounding hurt. “I thought maybe you were pissed.”

  I scrubbed a hand over my cheeks, the tears drying up as quickly as they had come. “No. I’ve just been busy. Today was the first day of school and I had to get everything ready yesterday. Then I went to the gym after my last class this evening.”

  “Is that all?”

  “Yup, that’s all.”

  “So why have you been crying?” he demanded.

  “Why do you think I’ve been crying?”

  “Because I know how your voice sounds when you cry, Kas. Did something happen at school? Or the gym? Did some motherfucker do something that—”

  “Gray, stop. Nothing happened at school or at the gym. AJ wouldn’t let anyone bother me anyway, so relax.”

  “Then what’s wrong, little caterpillar?” he asked in a softer tone, trying to coax the truth out of me.

  “It’s just been a really long day, and when I got home, Alicia was sick.” I could practically feel the tension coming through the connection now. “She just had a migraine though. I helped her to bed, and she’s probably sleeping right now.”

  He exhaled a relieved breath, but his tone was chiding when he spoke. “You should have said that first, Kas. I was worried something was wrong with you. Fuck, little girl, you scare the hell out of me sometimes.”

  “Nothing new about that,” I mumbled half to myself.

  “It sucks when I don’t get to talk to you. The only thing that keeps me sane most of the time is the sound of your voice. I was going to fly out to check on you if you hadn’t picked up the phone just now.”

  “Gray!”

  “What?” he snapped, raising his voice at me for the first time. “I fucking miss you! And you weren’t answering any of my calls or texts. I was worried, Kassa.”

  “I miss you too,” I snapped back. “And sometimes it hurts to hear your voice because I miss you even more.”

  That shut him up for a few seconds before he blew out a harsh breath. “Is that why you wouldn’t pick up the phone?” he whispered.

  “Yes,” I whispered back.

  “You’re such a pain in the ass.”

  Surprising myself, I laughed. When I heard his deep chuckle, all of my stress seemed to evaporate. “Love you, Gray.”

  “Fuck, I love you more, Kas.”

  NINE

  Gray

  I picked my bag up and headed off the plane behind some older woman and her grandson. The boy was probably sixteen and dressed for SOCAL weather rather than Virginia in December. I wanted to roll my eyes but figured that his grandmother was doing enough of that for the both of us. The entire flight, he had complained, but Granny had been full of dry humor and told him to suck it up, which had made me laugh more than once on the flight from LAX.

  As soon as I got inside the airport, however, all thoughts of Granny and the boy faded from my mind and I sprinted toward baggage claim so that I could get to the two huge pieces of luggage I had packed full with presents for Alicia and Kassa. I was that excited to see them both. This hadn’t been the plan. They were supposed to come out to California for Thanksgiving, but Kassa had gotten the stomach flu. So, instead, they were going to join us for Christmas.

  That had been a no-go as well.

  Alicia’s headaches had been happening more frequently and her doctor had advised her not to fly until they could get her sorted out with her new meds. Kassa, not wanting to leave her home alone for Christmas, decided to stay. But there was no way in hell I was going another holiday without seeing them. I hadn’t told either of them I was coming home, wanting to surprise them when I showed up later that night.

  After I grabbed my luggage, I rented a car and made the hour drive home. It was freezing out, but there was no call for snow. Kassa was going to be disappointed. She loved snow on Christmas morning, but we hadn’t gotten it the last few years. I was hoping that seeing me would ease that disappointment though.

  By the time I pulled into the driveway, it was nearly nine. The interstate had been buzzing with people on their way to visit family for Christmas Eve, but our street was eerily quiet as I climbed out of the car and lifted the luggage from the trunk. Pulling the heavy cases behind me, I walked up to the front door and used my key to let myself in. The house was silent, but I had expected Kassa and Alicia to be gone. They went to the children’s home where Kassa and Jace had spent a little time before Alicia had adopted them and gave out presents every Christmas Eve.

  I quickly unpacked the presents and put them under the tree that was already decorated in the living room. Then I parked the car down the street a few houses so that they wouldn’t know I was there before rushing through a shower. A glance at my phone told me that I had at least twenty minutes before they got home, so I ate a sandwich and then found a comfortable place to hide so I could surprise Kassa.

  Jace was still back in California with Kin. After having spent the last few months trying to win her back when he’d realized she was living so close with her father, he had been desperate to work things out with her. So far, she hadn’t given him the time of day, but even I could see she was weakening. I didn’t understand how he could stay though, not when Kassa was in another state for Christmas.

  After searching every inch of the house for the right place to hide, I ended up in Kassa’s room. I was excited to see my aunt, but Kassa was the main reason I was home. For weeks now, our conversations had been getting shorter and shorter, and I practically had to beg her for more time before we ended our calls. I knew she missed me, that sometimes talking made it worse, but I needed to show her that I missed her more.

  I crossed to her bed without bothering to turn the lights on, knowing my way around her room as easily as I did my own. After dropping onto the bed, I stretched out across it and grabbed one of her pillows to put my head on.

  I heard the garage door opening and knew they had gotten home. The garage door closed, and then the back door to the kitchen slammed shut. Twenty minutes passed with no sign of Kassa, and I had to force myself to stay where I was instead of impatiently going in search of her.

  Another ten minutes or so went by before finally I heard footsteps outside Kassa’s door.

  “Goodnight, Alicia.”

  “Night, sweetheart. Let’s have a late morning tomorrow, okay? No use in getting up early with Jace and Gray not here.”

  “Okay. Love you.”

  “Love you too, honey.”

  Kassa’s door opened, which let a slice of light in from the hall, but Kassa was still looking toward Alicia as she stepped inside and then closed the door. She didn’t turn the overhead light on as she moved toward the bed. I heard a zipper lowering and then Kassa sighed in relief as she tossed her jeans toward the closet.

  She sat on the edge of her bed and clicked nightstand’s lamp on before pulling her earrings off and placing them into a small box beside the alarm clock. I held my breath as I watched her, trying to keep as still and as quiet as possible as she had her back to me.

  It had been seven months since I had seen her face-to-face, but I hadn’t expected her to change so dramatically. Kassa had always been beautiful, so much so that she didn’t seem real at times. But, now, with just a glimpse of her in the soft light of her lamp, I saw that her body had filled out more. If I had thought that it was impossible for her to become even more beautiful, I had been wrong.

  For several long moments, she stared off sightlessly at nothing in particular, as if she had a million things weighing on her mind. All I could see was her back, but her shoulders were tense, as if she were trying to hold the world up on her own. Then she blew out a heartbreakingly long sigh and shook her head.

  Her long, blond hair fell over her left shoulder as she slowly turned, ready to climb under the covers. Then her blue eyes fell on me as I lay there watching her. She didn’t scream as I had expected her to, didn’t gasp or cry out in excitement at seeing me unexpectedly. Instead, she blinked once
. Then twice more.

  “You’re not real,” she whispered with a wobble to her chin. “You can’t be real.”

  I grasped her waist and pulled her down beside me, pillowing her head on my chest. This was everything I had been missing. This closeness late at night, with her snuggled up against me in bed, as we talked for hours on end. We weren’t talking now, not yet at least, but that didn’t matter. I had Kassa against me, and my heart was beating right for the first time in seven long-ass months.

  “This doesn’t feel real enough for you?” I asked her quietly before kissing the top of her head.

  “You’re in California, so you can’t possibly be real.” She was still whispering, but I could hear the confusion in her tone.

  “I’m real,” I assured her with a laugh.

  She pulled back and lifted herself onto her elbow so she could look down at me. “How is that possible? I thought you had to work. I thought…” Her chin wobbled even more, and when the tears filled her eyes, I felt gutted. “I thought you would spend Christmas with Jace and the guys.”

  “Fuck work. The band can survive without me for a week.” My hand lifted before I even knew it was moving and pushed her thick hair back from her face. A face that was even more gorgeous now than I remembered. Something in my chest twisted as I looked up at her and it scared the ever-loving fuck out of me. It made my adrenaline spike though, and I realized that, even as scary as that feeling was, I liked it. “There was no way in hell I was missing Christmas with you, little caterpillar.”

  “Gray,” she breathed as she threw herself against me, her hands fisting in my T-shirt as she held on tight. “Oh, God. I’m so happy to see you.”

  I wrapped my arms around her, locking her place as I buried my face in her hair and inhaled deeply the sweet scent of her shampoo. Mint and raspberry were a combination I had never liked until Kassa had started washing her hair with it. I had missed that scent almost as much as I had missed her.

  She shifted on top of me, her stomach rubbing over my lower body and waking it up. Fucking shit! I had never reacted that quickly to anyone with so innocent a touch, yet my cock was reacting to her as if it didn’t realize that this was Kassa.

  Stop, my mind screamed. You can’t have her. She’s too precious.

  I clenched my fingers on her flesh for a second before I forced them to relax and mentally told my cock to calm the fuck down. This was Kassa, my little caterpillar. I wasn’t supposed to get hard for her. She was my best friend, not some girl I could play around with for a few hours and then send on her way. She was my life, my only constant, my only salvation.

  But, no matter what I told my body, it didn’t listen. My cock only hardened more, straining through my sweats and pulsing against her as the tip wept with a burning need to take her and make her mine. I clenched my eyes shut, mentally cursing my cock and its one-track mind. With a tortured groan, I pulled her onto the bed and turned us so we were facing each other on our sides, keeping a good distance between her lower body and my own.

  Kassa being Kassa, she didn’t stay away for long. She snuggled up against me, her head on my arm as she hugged one arm around me and kissed my cheek. “You are the best Christmas present I’ve ever gotten,” she murmured softly before fighting a yawn back. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  I touched my lips to the top of her head, trying to focus on her rather than the pain that was now making my balls ache. “Me too, caterpillar. Me too.”

  Within minutes, she was sound asleep, but my entire body was alert and ready for fun. The light on her nightstand was still on, casting a soft halo over her face and her delectable body.

  Not delectable, asshole. Beautiful. Only beautiful.

  But, even as I thought the words, I was already contradicting myself. Kassa’s shirt clung to her small frame, the hem just below her belly button and before the top of her panties. Panties that were covering a pussy that had never been touched by another man. Motherfucking shit, this wasn’t helping. Just thinking of how untouched her pussy was made my cock practically tremble with a need that was burning through every vein.

  And those legs…

  Hell, those legs. They were more toned than the last time I had seen them, and I couldn’t honestly remember when that was right then. All I remembered was that she used to have skinny legs, not muscular and curvy legs in all the right places. Why did they have to be so long and creamy? Why did her thighs have to rub together in her sleep? And fuck, oh fuck, why did she have to moan in her sleep when I unconsciously brushed the back of my fingers over her thigh?

  My fingers stopped moving as soon as I realized what I was doing, and I balled them into a tight fist. This wasn’t right; I knew it wasn’t right. I was feeling things I had no business feeling where this girl was concerned. The smart thing to do was to get up and go to my own room, to sleep in my own bed that night.

  But I wasn’t a smart man. Not when it came to her. I was a selfish bastard, because even though it was stupid and maybe even a little dangerous, there was no fucking way I was leaving her bed that night. I had spent over seven months without her, and I wasn’t going to deprive myself of her sleeping in my arms.

  Reaching between us, I shifted my cock so that it wasn’t pressed right up against her and then went back to holding her. She sighed softly, a sweet, little sigh that made it hard to breathe for a second, then cuddled even closer. A grin lifted at one corner of my mouth because it was like she knew how to torture me in her sleep.

  I touched my lips to her forehead again, lingering for a few seconds longer than they should have, but she didn’t stir. “Why did you have to grow up on me, little caterpillar?” I whispered, stroking her hair back from her face. “Why did you have to change the rules?”

  She didn’t answer, but I could have sworn that, from the deep bowels of hell, someone was laughing at me.

  TEN

  Kassa

  The scream outside my door had me jerking upright in my bed, the covers falling to my waist as I glanced around, so startled that my entire body shook. Then the scream came again, followed by Gray’s deep chuckle and Alicia’s tearful laugh.

  I fell back against my pillows, realizing a monster wasn’t trying to break into the house and Alicia wasn’t having another migraine—which would have been worse. It wouldn’t have surprised me if that had been the case. She had them almost daily lately. She tried to hide them from me, but she couldn’t hide the sound of her vomiting at six in the morning as she fought the pain and tried to get ready for work. If I had thought these headaches would make her slow down, I had been sorely wrong. She worked even longer hours, sometimes not even coming home and, instead, sleeping on the couch in her office.

  That only meant more alone time for me, and by this point, it was becoming like a sickness for me. Loneliness was depressing, and I wasn’t the kind of girl who put up with moping around and feeling sorry for herself.

  “You should have told me you were coming,” Alicia chided Gray on the other side of my bedroom door. “I wouldn’t have mailed your presents to California.”

  “I already got them,” he assured her. “And Jace got his, too. We both loved everything you sent.”

  The sound of his voice pulled me out of my self-deprecation and I cuddled deeper under the covers. Last night had been the best night’s sleep I’d had in months. I had missed Gray like crazy, but I’d missed getting to sneak into his bed most nights and cuddling with him just as much.

  “How long will you get to stay?” Alicia asked. “Until New Years?”

  “Only a few days. I told Jace I would be back for next week’s show.”

  My smile dimmed and then faded completely as I pictured the clock quickly running out on my time with Gray. A few days wasn’t enough time to get my fill of him. It wasn’t enough time period. I didn’t want him to go back, didn’t want him to leave me again.

  I quickly got out of bed only to remember I was just in a pair of panties, my T-shirt, and a bra. Gray had seen me
in less, especially when we went to the beach or the pool, but heat filled my cheeks anyway. I went into the bathroom and took a shower, hoping to wash away the melancholy I was feeling. I didn’t want to waste what little time Gray was there moping around.

  Twenty minutes later, with my hair still wet and hanging around my shoulders, I went downstairs to find Gray and Alicia. They were in the living room, a marathon of A Christmas Story running for background noise. We had all seen that movie so many times over the years that we were sick of it, but no matter how much we complained about it, Alicia always wanted it to be on, and a few channels ran it on a loop for twenty-four solid hours.

  The box of the Cinnabon cinnamon rolls we had picked up at the mall the evening before was on the coffee table with a pot of coffee and an extra mug waiting for me. Gray was comfortable on the couch with his back pressed into a corner and his legs stretched out across the cushions, while Alicia was curled up on matching recliner, her eyes slightly bloodshot but glowing with happiness at having at least one of her boys home for the holiday. Her face even had a glow to it, something that had been missing over the last few months as her headaches had become more intense and more frequent.

  Seeing how happy she was made it easier to push away my desolation at how little time we had with Gray. I shoved my sadness down and put a genuine smile on my face as I dropped right on top of Gray’s legs. He groaned as if he were in pain, but then he laughed and caught me around the waist before pulling me onto his lap and kissing my cheek.

  “Merry Christmas, Kas.”

  “It definitely is now,” I mumbled, leaning my head against this shoulder and soaking up the feeling of being in his arms while I had the chance.

  For the next hour, we watched the last bit of A Christmas Story that was still on while eating the cinnamon rolls and drinking coffee. But, as soon as the credits came on, Gray jumped to his feet and crossed to the tree, where I had just noticed there were a dozen more presents than there had been the night before.