The Rocker Who Shatters Me Read online

  I grinned at one of the men who was a brother by choice than by blood to me. Nik and Jesse have always been my brothers’ brothers by choice and they had quickly become the same to Jenna and me. “Morning. I was told your wife was on here?”

  “Yeah, she is. Em! Baby girl, Natalie is here,” Nik called and moments later Emmie came out of the bathroom down the hall.

  “Hey,” she said, greeting me with a smile. “Everything okay?”

  “So far, so good. Axton got the bus sorted, all by himself since Z was out partying all night.” Emmie made a face but nodded. “And from the looks of everything else we are set. Unless you have something else that needs my attention?”

  “Nope. I’ve handled everything else. Go back to your bus and catch a few hours of sleep. You’re going to need it once we get to Chicago.”

  Jagger let out an angry scream, his little arms lifted in Emmie’s direction while his father tried to hold onto his squirming body. I laughed as Emmie took her adorable little son and kissed his cheek, instantly quieting him. Jagger was a world-class momma’s boy. He was definitely his father’s son in every way from looks to his desperation for Emmie. And Emmie ate it up.

  I ruffled Jagger’s hair. “Be a good boy, Jags.”

  Thinking I was going to take him from his favorite person in the world, Jagger clung to his mother, but gave me a toothy grin. His blue eyes shining up at me, I blew him a kiss and turned to go. “See you guys in a few hours.”

  Emmie followed me to the door. “Good luck,” she murmured quietly so that Nik wouldn’t hear her. “I’m proud of you for sucking it up and staying on the OtherWorld bus. But if things get too hard for you, just say the word and I’ll figure something out.”

  I blew out a long breath. “I can deal, Em. Just know that I’m not responsible if those two never have children again. I mean, really if they have to leave the tour to have ball retrieval surgery would it be so bad?” Emmie snorted out a laugh and I winked at her as I stepped off the bus.

  When I stepped onto OtherWorld’s bus it was to find everyone except for Marissa sitting around drinking coffee or watching TV. I took a seat at the kitchenette table beside Linc, ignoring everyone else as the bus shifted into gear and joined the others as the driver headed out of the city.

  My head was throbbing now and I grabbed the bottle of Tylenol out of the cabinet before swallowing three of them with a glass of water. The jumbled voices on the television from where Wroth was switching channels rapidly only made my head hurt. I tried to ignore it. “You guys should get some rest. It’s going to be nonstop once we get to Chicago.”

  “Dude,” Zander grunted from his spot beside Wroth. “You are seriously going to break your hand if you don’t stop.”

  I rubbed at my temples as the mumble-jumbled voices on the television increased in speed. From his seat on the recliner, I could feel Devlin’s eyes on me and it only made me more irritated. I tried to keep my calm, but when my eyes started to water from the pain in my head, I snapped.

  Grabbing the remote from Wroth, I turned the channel to one of the movie channels. “If you don’t fucking find a channel and leave it there I’m going to break your fucking hands,” I gritted out. “I’m about five seconds away from tossing your ass off this moving bus! Not exactly the best way to start the tour, asshole.”

  “Let’s just play a game on the PS4,” Wroth mumbled to Zander.

  I glared at them both as Zander stood to turn on the game console. “Dude, you are just asking for her to beat the shit out of you,” he snickered.

  “Assholes,” I muttered under my breath as I turned and went toward the roosts. I seriously couldn’t deal with them right now. My head was killing me and I just needed to lie down before my head exploded or I killed someone. It was possible either of those things would happen, if not both.

  “Your chick is batshit crazy,” I heard Wroth’s deep almost scary voice say to someone.

  “Dude, don’t talk about her like that,” Devlin told him and my heart clenched at his defending me like that. Anything else he might have said was cut off when I closed the door to the sleep area.

  After debating which roost I wanted I eventually picked the one above Marissa’s. I grabbed my pillows and blanket and climbed up. With a sigh of relief I closed my eyes and let the pain meds do their job…

  I must have drifted asleep because when I next opened my eyes it was to the feel of the bus pulling over. I grabbed my phone and saw that it was mid-afternoon, which meant we were stopping to let Axton on board so the guys could rehearse for tonight. Thankfully, my headache was nearly gone and I just lay there as the bus got back on the road.

  Several minutes later I heard them start to jam and closed my eyes as I pictured the band sitting around the living room. Wroth would have his guitar, while Liam and Zander would have their bass guitars and Zander’s keyboard would be close by. Sometimes Axton would pick up a guitar too, or mess around on Zander’s keyboard. He was amazingly talented and could play any instrument within the band. Sometimes I wondered what the hell he was doing in a band when he could have easily made it on his own, but he loved being part of OtherWorld.

  When I heard the drums, I was finally forced to picture Devlin sitting in his recliner rocking out with his bandmates with the few percussion instruments he used for bus rehearsals like this. Just thinking of the way he brought the drums alive, how passionate he was with that long hair of his flying everywhere, made my panties instantly wet and I clenched my legs together as I fought off my sudden need for a man who was nothing but bad for my heart.

  With my desire for him came all the reasons I should hate the drummer. It wasn’t entirely his fault that I’d had to buy that damned pill back in April. I’d been so caught up in the moment that I’d completely forgotten to tell him I’d gotten off my birth control at my last GYN appointment. If anything, that was all on me and was probably why I felt so guilty about it.

  No, what I couldn’t get over was that fucking bet. Why had he made it? And why, once he’d won, hadn’t he just ended things then and there? I’d been an easy conquest for him, and he’d scored within days of that spring tour starting. As far as I knew that was all it would have taken for him to win the bet. So why had he kept stringing me along, letting me think that he really cared about me? Had he? Or had he just enjoyed the sex on tap that I’d provided?

  Those same questions kept going through my mind and with each one it was like someone was taking a hammer to my heart. Fuck, it hurt. Even after more than a year it still hurt so damn bad. It pissed me off that it hurt, that I was still so vulnerable to Devlin Cutter. Why couldn’t he hurt as bad as I hurt? I wished he would.

  I sighed and blinked my eyes, realizing for the first time that I was silently crying. Clenching my jaw, I angrily dried my eyes and face. “Damn you, Dev. Damn you for making me hurt this much,” I whispered to the roost above mine.

  When my eyes were dry and I’d finally stopped crying, I blew out a long, frustrated breath. I didn’t want to lie here and be alone, but I didn’t want to have to go out there and deal with Devlin or Zander or anyone else. Not right now.

  Below me I heard Marissa shift restlessly. “You asleep, Rissa?” I asked, just in case she was still sleeping. I didn’t want to bother her if she was.

  There was a small hesitation before I heard her reply. “Nope.”

  I bit the inside of my cheek. “Can I come lie with you?” I asked hopefully.

  When she didn’t even hesitate I breathed a sigh of relief. “Sure, come on down.”

  I tossed back my covers and slipped out of my roost before pulling back the curtains of hers. When I saw her red-rimmed eyes and her tear—streaked face my heart hurt all over again, but for her this time. I didn’t waste another minute as I climbed into the roost with her and laid my head on her chest. Her arms wrapped around me and I closed my eyes as a sense of peace washed over me for a moment.

  I wasn’t sure how long we lay there like that, silently offering each
other comfort as we rode on that tour bus toward Chicago. But it felt good. It was exactly what I’d been needing. Some of my pain eased during the time that Marissa and I held each other, some of the guilt disappeared for the moment, and my anger at Devlin and the world vanished. It would come back later with a vengeance, but for that little bit of time, I was okay.

  Eventually both our stomachs began to grumble and growl. My appetite had been absent for a while now so the sudden feeling of being hungry was almost alien to me. I wasn’t going to turn my back on it and ignore it, either. “Want something to eat?” I asked her. She shrugged and nodded her head and I sat up. “Be right back.”

  The guys were still jamming when I went to the fridge and pulled out a small frozen pizza. I turned my back to them, not wanting them to see any lingering evidence of my earlier tears while I fixed Marissa and myself some lunch. As I moved around, grabbing two drinks and a bag of baked chips along with the nuked pizza, I could feel eyes following me. From the way my body responded—my nipples almost instantly tightening, my panties growing damp once more, the small hairs on my body standing to attention—I knew it was Devlin.

  If I looked at him I knew I would probably throw one of the cans of soda in my hand at his head, so I kept my back to him as I finished up and then walked back to the sleep area where Marissa was waiting on me.

  Some of my earlier appetite vanished but I forced myself to nibble on a few chips and eat one of the little triangles I’d cut the pizza into. When I was done I felt a little better, but my anger was coming back like a tidal wave, washing away any other emotions inside of me.

  “I keep thinking about that fucking bet,” I surprised myself by confessing, tearing the napkin in my hands in two in my agitation. “How could they…” I stopped and shook my head. Was I really heartbroken over them both? No, I was pissed off at them both, but only one of them had broken my heart. “How could he do that to me? I thought we had something special, but all I ended up being was some kind of immature fun for him and damn Zander.”

  I glared down at the two torn pieces of napkin in my hand as if they were the cause of all my problems. I tore them both into shreds, wishing it was Devlin’s face. If I’d been paying more attention to Marissa and not the napkin, I would have seen the way her face lit up with an evil smile.

  “Let’s have a little immature fun of our own, Nat.”

  I gathered my mess into a small pile, not really paying attention. Immature fun? Was she offering..? “I love you and all, Rissa, but I’ve never been interested in experimenting with a girl before.”

  Marissa’s giggles made me finally raise my head. When was the last time I’d heard her really laugh like that? Not in the last year that was for sure. It was a pretty sound and I couldn’t help but smile at it. She grabbed her sides, laughing so hard that tears slipped from her cheeks and I could feel pink filling my cheeks that I’d obviously taken her question the wrong way. “No, no,” she got out around her continued giggles. “I wasn’t suggesting that, Nat. I swear.”

  “Oh.” I grinned at my own silliness. “Sorry, Ris. What were you going to say?”

  Marissa tried to get a hold of her giggles and shifted closer to me, lowing her voice as she spoke. “I was thinking about that bet that Dev and Z made. How about we make one of our own?”

  A bet of our own? The idea instantly held appeal. Why shouldn’t I do the same thing to Devlin that he had done to me? “You’ve roused my interest, my friend.”

  Some of the laughter left Marissa’s lovely face. “Let’s make Wroth and Devlin sweat. It’s obvious they want us to take them back. Especially Dev. He’s like a kicked puppy around you.”

  My own grin faltered. Was he? I hadn’t noticed. But even a blind man could see how lost Wroth was without Marissa. “Wroth isn’t much better, Rissa,” I told her quietly.

  “Whatever, I don’t care,” she said, but I didn’t believe her for a second. “I don’t want a man who is going to cheat on me.”

  “And I don’t want one who treats me as nothing more than a game,” I assured her. That was exactly how Devlin had treated me, and all his assertions of caring for me had simply been a part of his game.

  “So let’s make them the game.” Her grin was evil, and that scared me just a little. Marissa didn’t have an evil bone in her body. “I bet you that I can make Wroth beg me for another chance, seduce him and then drop him before you can do the same to Devlin.” Marissa said with a dangerous glint in those beautiful blue eyes of hers.

  “You want me to seduce Devlin?” If it was possible to whisper a shriek, then I did it right then. How could she suggest that to me? I’d already gone down the road of sex with Devlin again over six weeks ago. It had been mind-blowing, but had left me feeling cheap and easy. And twice as broken. “Have you lost your fucking mind? I don’t want to get within touching distance, let alone let him kiss me.”

  “I didn’t say it was going to be easy.” Marissa reached for my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “They deserve some payback for breaking our hearts. It’s not fair that they got to move on while we are stuck in misery. It’s obvious that they want another chance, so we will let them think they can have it. We’ll let them get their hopes up, their hearts invested just like ours were then. Then we get one last good fuck, the closure that we both need, and drop their asses, shatter their hearts like they did ours. Don’t tell me that the idea doesn’t tempt you, Nat.”

  I couldn’t tell her that. It was very, very tempting. But it was also very, very dangerous. The reason I hated Devlin so much was because I still loved him. If I let my guard down, which I would have to in order to go through with this bet, then there was a very big chance that I would be hurt right along with the man I was trying to shatter. Was I willing to risk that? Was it worth the added pain to myself to break him as I was broken?

  Sighing, I rubbed my hands against my temples, feeling another headache starting up. “What are we betting? What does the winner get when they win?” I asked.

  “If you win, I’ll take over your job for a week and you can take a vacation,” Marissa told me and I nearly fell out of the roost.

  For real? She would take on my twenty-four-seven job for an entire week and I could go on an honest vacation? “Holy shit that would be awesome.” Okay, okay. Things just got real. I was determined to win now. Emmie would trust Marissa to take over my job for a week. She would let me go radio silent for an entire week and I could go sit on a beach somewhere and soak up the sun and just relax. It didn’t even have to be a beach. I could go anywhere. I just wanted the break.

  “Alright,” I agreed. “And if you win, I will switch rooms with you.” That seemed like a decent trade. I didn’t care which room I had in our apartment, but I knew that Marissa liked her space. She was used to a freaking huge house and a gigantic farm. Not a three-bedroom apartment in one of the most overcrowded cities in the world.

  Marissa promptly held out her hand with a grin. “Deal!”

  “What is the timeframe? How long do we get to accomplish everything?” Maybe I should have asked that first. If I only had a week then I needed to jump on it—or rather jump on Devlin—as soon as possible. But if I had a few weeks then I could harden my heart a little better against him before starting to work on the bet.

  “Everything has to be accomplished by the end of the tour,” Marissa said after a moment’s hesitation and I blew out a relieved sigh.

  “Okay, then. Deal.” I shook her hand with a determined smile.

  This was going to be interesting.

  Devlin

  “If you come looking for your kid and can’t find him, it’s because I already buried the body.”

  I couldn’t help but snort at Jesse’s statement as I dropped down on the couch in his living room. “Where’s he at now?” No sooner had Lucy and Harris found out that we would be touring together this summer they had announced that Harris would be staying on the Thorntons’ bus. I’d been more than a little relieved to have my son o
n another bus than my own. Especially when I was mere feet from temptation in the form of an elfin beauty. Plus I knew Lucy would keep Harris out of trouble—for the most part.

  “He’s off with Jenna, but I told him to be back before midnight so that Layla doesn’t worry.” Jesse’s gaze went to the sleep area at the back of his bus and he blew out a frustrated breath. “She’s pissed at me.”

  I grimaced as I lifted the bottle of beer to my lips and took a long swallow. “Why? What did you do this time?” I meant it as a joke, though. Jesse and Layla didn’t argue often, their relationship was a close one. My friend pretty much worshiped the ground his beautiful wife walked on. If Layla wasn’t happy with him then something big was going on between them.

  Jesse rubbed a hand over his bald head. “She’s been talking about having another baby. I think with Lana’s pregnancy showing and Dallas announcing hers just a few days ago that she’s getting baby fever.”

  “So go fuck your wife and get her pregnant, man. I’m pretty sure you’ll both be happy after that.” I took another swallow of beer, thankful that I didn’t have to slow down anytime soon since we were going out a little later.

  Jesse glared down at me. “Another baby would be great, Dev. But it’s the nine months leading up to the baby that I’m scared shitless of. You remember what happened with the twins. I don’t ever—ever—want to go through that again. Layla is my world. I can’t deal with the thought of losing her again.”

  “Dude,” I shook my head, “Layla was carrying two behemoths last time. If she doesn’t have twins I’m sure she will be fine.” But I completely understood where he was coming from. Even I had been worried about sweet, beautiful, feisty Layla waking up during those two-plus days that she had been unable to wake up after the emergency C-section with the twins. It was a wonder that the poor man hadn’t had a nervous breakdown at the time because of all the hell he was being put through. Not only had he had to worry about his wife and his twins, but also the chance that Lucy would be taken from him.