Tainted Forever Read online

  “Are you hungry?” I asked, steering her toward the door.

  “Starving,” she said with a groan, and I heard her stomach growling. “But more than anything, I need coffee.”

  I hit the call button for the elevator. “Cafeteria or one of the fast-food places across the street?”

  She pressed her lips together in thought before shaking her head. “Cafeteria. I don’t want to go too far. I know Lucy is going to be surrounded by family for the next few hours, but I’m itching to hold Hayat as soon as I get the chance.”

  Her face glowed as she spoke about the baby, and I could almost picture her with our kids years down the road. Kin was going to make a great mom, and as soon as I fixed what I’d broken with us, I was going to give her as many babies as she wanted.

  As we stepped into the cafeteria a few minutes later, her phone rang, and she pulled it from her back jeans pocket to see who was calling. I glanced at the screen over her shoulder, saw the name Derrick flash across the screen, and instantly went cold inside.

  Who the fuck was Derrick?

  Jealousy began to eat at me, but it calmed down somewhat when she declined the call and picked up a tray. “I’m glad it’s lunchtime. I don’t think I could stomach hospital eggs right now.”

  I picked up a sandwich and added it to her tray as she picked up one for herself. I grabbed us Styrofoam cups and filled them with ice, and poured Diet Coke in one for her before getting myself a Dr. Pepper. Hopefully the soda would be enough of a caffeine kick for both of us because the coffee smelled burned, making Kin’s face scrunch up in disgust as she passed the carafes.

  Before she was ready to check out, she grabbed a few desserts and two bags of chips for us. I paid for our quick meal, and she led the way to a table in the back. She was eating her sandwich before I even had time to sit down across from her.

  “Harris ordered pizza last night, but Lu was so uncomfortable, we were more worried about trying to ease her pain than feeding ourselves.” She chewed quickly, swallowed, and then took another big bite before I could get my sandwich unwrapped. “I’m so glad this is over and that our goddaughter is here.”

  I grinned, watching the excitement fill her tired eyes, brightening them even more. “Me too, babe.”

  Her phone rang again. It was lying faceup on the table, and I immediately saw it was Derrick again. “Who the fuck is that?” I growled before I could stop myself, my jealousy churning in my stomach, making the sandwich taste like dust in my mouth.

  She wiped her fingers, moving casually, like it was completely normal for her to get random calls from a guy I didn’t even know. Fuck, I wanted to smash her phone in. But first, I wanted to answer it and find out who the hell was calling my girlfriend.

  “It’s Derrick,” she said as she declined the call again and picked up her sandwich once more. Like that should have been explanation enough.

  It fucking wasn’t.

  “And Derrick is?” I snarled.

  “My soon-to-be stepuncle,” she answered calmly, as if I wasn’t about to rage out and destroy the entire goddam cafeteria.

  Motherfucker.

  The guy from the club the other night.

  “What is he doing calling you, Kin?”

  She lifted a shoulder. “He probably heard the news that Lucy was in labor and was calling to ask about her. Or he just wanted to talk. Or maybe he wants me to have dinner with him. I don’t know. I’m too tired to find out.”

  “The fuck you say.” I grabbed her phone, punched in her passcode that I knew just as easily as I knew my own, and pulled up the guy’s details.

  Before I could block him, Kin snatched the phone out of my hands. “Excuse you,” she bit out. “What are you doing?”

  “Blocking that motherfucker.”

  “I don’t want him blocked,” she told me with a glare, putting the phone into her back pocket and out of my reach. “He’s a nice guy.”

  “How did he get your number?”

  “I’m assuming from Scott,” she said with another casual shrug, eating her sandwich once more. “That is the only way I could think he got it.”

  “How long have you two been talking?” I felt like I was going to puke, so I picked up my drink and started chugging it instead of sipping it through the straw.

  “A few days.” She sighed when she looked up at my face. “Jace, it’s really none of your business.”

  “I don’t want you talking to him, Kin. I saw the way you were fucking looking at him the other night.” I put down my cup and scrubbed my hands through my hair. “Let’s work this shit out between us. Come back to me. I miss you so damn much, baby. I know you miss me too. It’s written all over your beautiful face.”

  Her sandwich landed on the tray with a thump, and she pushed it across the table toward me. “I do miss you,” she confessed in a quiet voice. “But you know what I don’t miss?” I held my breath, afraid of what she was about to say. “Waking up in the middle of the night to you texting some area code I didn’t recognize because you didn’t program her name into your phone. I don’t miss you lying to me when I ask who you’re talking to, or why you had a new lock code on your phone, or you getting a call and walking away from me. I don’t miss wondering what the fuck you’re doing because you’re late to pick me up, or for dinner, or you completely cancel plans. I don’t miss crying myself to sleep because I thought you were cheating on me. All of it was for Eden, I know that now. You didn’t cheat, but I sure as hell thought you were. And I don’t miss those times at all.”

  “Baby, I’m sorry,” I groaned, reaching for her hand, and was surprised when she let me touch her. I lifted her fingers, kissing each one. “That’s over now. Eden and I barely even talk now that she’s busy with the baby and her husband.”

  “I didn’t want you to stop talking to your sister, Jace. I just wanted you to include me.” The pain in her voice was sharp enough to cut through me. It melted through my flesh and bone, embedding itself in my soul.

  “I didn’t stop talking to her because of you. I’ve been so fucked up from our breakup that I haven’t been coherent half the time. It was her choice to back away from me, and I can’t really blame her. I wouldn’t want my crazy ass around any little kids with how I’ve been lately.”

  “Yeah, I get that. I was pretty messed up myself. Poor Amara had to deal with me all on her own.” Her lips twisted, and we shared a small smile.

  I kissed her palm. “Take me back, Kin,” I whispered the plea, but she flinched as if I’d shouted it at her.

  “I can’t.”

  Tears burned my throat, filled my eyes. “Wh-Why not?” I choked out.

  “Because nothing is resolved, Jace. You’re sorry? Yeah, I understand that. I even forgive most of it. You’re making promises not to do any of that stuff again, to include me? I don’t believe you.” She pulled her hand free from my slackened grip. “All I’ve ever wanted was to come first with you. And you’ve never done that. You never will. And I can’t go through the rest of my life being in the background, always second and third and sometimes even fourth in line for your love and loyalty.”

  The tears broke free, and I sat there, staring at her as they poured down my face. “Kin, it’s not like that,” I half sobbed.

  “It’s exactly like that,” she said, her voice so full of sadness, it broke my heart all over again. “You don’t even know how to put me first.”

  “I was only trying to protect Kassa,” I tried to explain again, but she was shaking her head.

  “And you pushed me right out.” She swallowed hard. “I know you love your sister. She loves you too. But don’t you understand that if it came down to protecting you and protecting Gray, she would pick him every time? Don’t you understand that I would never make you choose, but that you should want to put me first, regardless?”

  “It’s just been her and me for most of my life,” I whispered. “Of course, I’m going to worry about her.”

&n
bsp; She balled her hands into fists. “I’m not saying I don’t want you to protect your sister, Jace. Fuck. You don’t even understand what I’m trying to tell you.”

  “Then dumb it down, goddamn it,” I exploded. “Tell me what I have to do to get you back.”

  “If you don’t know by now, then there really is no hope for us.” She pushed back her chair. Standing, she looked down at me with regret and pain darkening her eyes. “I love you. I always have. Stupidly enough, I probably always will. But it’s time for me to move on, Jace. Because you can’t give me what I need.”

  Chapter 17

  Kin

  After no sleep the night before, as soon as I held my precious baby goddaughter, I went home and crashed. My brain shut down, refusing to think about what happened with Jace in the hospital cafeteria, and for that, I was grateful. Making my dreams blissfully nonexistent.

  My phone was what woke me up the next day. Groaning, I peeked an eye open, trying to determine what time it was from the way the sun was shining through my bedroom window. My phone was still ringing, sounding almost shrill to my still sleepy ears.

  Wanting it to stop, I picked it up, ready to send the caller to voice mail, only to see it was Derrick. Again. He’d called multiple times the day before, but I was too tired to talk to him. And then after the whole scene with Jace, I didn’t want to talk to anyone.

  Curious as to what he wanted that had him calling so often, I picked up before it could go to voice mail.

  “Hello?”

  “Wow, she’s alive,” he murmured with amusement lacing his voice. “I was starting to wonder after getting your voice mail all day yesterday.”

  “Yeah, sorry about that,” I sat up in bed, pulling the covers up to my chest. I was dressed in my usual tank top and short pajamas, but I felt oddly exposed. As if he could see me sitting there with my messy bedhead and crusty eyes. “Lucy had the baby yesterday. We were at the hospital all night, and then she finally had the baby in the afternoon. It was kind of chaotic.”

  “That’s cool. How is she?”

  “When I left the hospital last night, both mommy and baby were perfect. Hayat has Lucy’s dark curls and her daddy’s dimples. It’s too early to tell, but I suspect she’s going to have Harris’s eyes.”

  “I bet she’s beautiful,” he said, sounding wistful. “I was starting to worry about you, though. Next time, send me a text or something so I know you haven’t been kidnapped.”

  A smile teased at my lips. “Sure thing, Dad.”

  Derrick laughed, and I suddenly felt more at ease. The first time he’d called me, I didn’t know what to think, but he was a nice guy and I couldn’t hold who his sister was marrying against him. It wasn’t his fault Shannon had sucky taste in men.

  “Are you busy today?” he asked, surprising me.

  “I was going to stop by the hospital to check on Lu and the baby, see if Harris needs anything, but other than that, I don’t have much on my plate.”

  “Would you like to grab some dinner with me?”

  I hesitated, unsure how or even if I wanted to answer that question. I drew my legs up to my chest, pushed my hair back from my face, and pressed my forehead to my knees. It was a simple question, but I didn’t have a simple answer.

  Derrick was hot, and I would grudgingly admit I was still attracted to him. But I knew nothing could ever happen. For one, there was no way I was going to mix up the family with his sister marrying my dad. That was just gross to me on so many levels. I couldn’t even picture myself kissing the guy.

  Yet, I liked his company, and it would be nice to find out more about him, maybe even learn more about the woman who was going to be my new stepmother come spring.

  I was torn.

  “Just as friends, Kin,” he assured me when I didn’t answer. “I admit I find you incredibly attractive, but the truth is, it freaks me out a little that you’re going to be my niece. I mean, hell, girl. I have two nieces already, and it creeps me out to even think about you like…that.”

  Relief filled me, and I laughed at the disgusted tone of his voice. “Yeah, that was kind of what I was worried about. If I’m honest, I pictured kissing you, but then I imagined it would be a lot like kissing my stepbrother, and I totally grossed myself out. Sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry. We know where we stand. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to get to know you better. You’ll be family soon, and we keep family close.”

  “Does that mean I need to start calling you Uncle Derrick?” I teased.

  “Please don’t,” he groaned. “You’re what? Twenty-two?”

  I laughed. “You’re funny. I’ll be twenty-one my next birthday.”

  “I’m only twenty-five, and hell, but Shannon is only twenty-three. This is fucked up, so no, please don’t go calling me Uncle Derrick.” He grunted. “And what the hell were you doing drinking in the club the other night? Huh? Do I need to take away your fake ID?”

  “You touch my fake ID, and I’ll kick you in the balls, buddy!” I threatened, knowing he was only kidding—I hoped.

  His deep laugh filled me with warmth, and I relaxed once again. “That’s something we can discuss over dinner. I’ll pick you up at seven.”

  “I didn’t say I would have dinner with you,” I reminded him.

  “We both know you want to.” He sounded so sure of himself but not necessarily cocky. “Seven. Dress nice. I’m taking you somewhere special.”

  I blew out a long sigh in mock annoyance. “Fine. I’ll see you at seven.”

  “Good girl.”

  “I hate you,” I grumbled.

  “But you’ll love me before the end of the night.” And with that, he hung up.

  Laughing, I sank back down onto the mattress and pulled the covers over my shoulder. A glance at my phone’s screen told me it was just after eleven, so I had plenty of time to make it over to the hospital and back before I had to get ready for dinner with him.

  No one was home when I finally pulled myself out of bed in search of something to eat. I made myself a bowl of cereal and ate it in front of the television before washing my dish and going back to my room for a shower.

  As I was grabbing my keys on my way out the door, my phone rang. Seeing it was Aunt Emmie, I answered it just as the door swung closed behind me.

  “What’s up, Auntie Em?” I greeted her with a grin.

  “Ugh, I suddenly feel like I’ve been sucked into the Wizard of Oz.”

  “You would make a hot Auntie Em,” I assured her as I stepped into the elevator. “What can I do for you?”

  “Right, so in the craziness of the baby drama yesterday, I missed a few things at work. I’m just now getting to the email from Petrova Records. Petrova himself listened to the demos I sent him Friday, and he’s demanding I get you signed right away.”

  “Aunt Emmie, you know how I feel about him,” I told her, not nearly as excited as I should have been.

  “I know, I know. But he’s letting me call the shots on this, sweetie. And he basically said to name our price. He wants you signed, and he wants it bad.”

  “What if I came up with a ridiculous number?” I thought aloud. “Do you think he will laugh in my face and back off?”

  She snorted inelegantly. “Not even Petrova would laugh in my face. He knows I’ll kick him in the balls. Please, Kin, I’m begging you, and you know I don’t beg. Like, ever. Consider this offer very, very seriously. Think it over for a few days, and get back to me. I need to tell him something before Monday.”

  I sighed as I walked off the elevator and out of the building. “Okay, okay. I’ll consider it. But I don’t want to have to deal with him personally. Ever. I think he’s a total sleaze.”

  “They all are in some shape or form, baby. But that’s why you have me and Amara. I will handle Petrova for you. You won’t ever have to deal with him, I promise you that. I can get you on tour starting in December, actually, if all goes as planned.”

 
The sudden realization I was really going to have to perform my songs live, and not just for the small group of people at First Bass on open mic nights either, had me going statue-still with my hand on the door handle of my Range Rover.

  Oh shit.

  I hadn’t considered that part yet.

  I gulped, which must have been loud enough for Emmie to hear because she immediately started trying to reassure me. “It won’t be so bad, Kin. You can be the opening act for the Blonde Bombshells and TK. Which means the crowd will be considerably smaller because the seats don’t really start filling up until closer to the end of the second act to prepare for the main attraction. I’m not going to throw you to the wolves, I swear. This will just be like a warm-up for you. Get your feet a little wet.”

  “I feel sick,” I groaned, leaning my head against the window of my vehicle.

  “You’re going to do amazing,” she promised me. “I have complete faith in you, honey.”

  “But…” I was panicking, trying to find a way out of actually having to go on tour. “I can’t go onstage by myself. I need a band. No one will want to listen to just me playing the guitar and singing.”

  Her sigh told me I was being overly dramatic. “Do you honestly think I would let you go out there alone? I’ll put a kick-ass band together for you, Kin. Relax. I’ve been doing this long enough to know what you will need, girl.”

  “But… But…” I groaned, stamping my feet like a toddler about to have the world’s biggest tantrum. “I don’t want to!”

  There was complete silence on the other end of the phone for a whole minute before she burst out laughing, long and loud. “Okay, I realize you’re freaking out right now, but I really needed that laugh. I love you so much, Kin.”

  “I still don’t want to do it,” I pouted.

  “Yes, you do. Because you rock, and you know it. So you are going to stop the pouting and tantrums, and you’re going to trust your Auntie Em to take care of you.” Her voice suddenly held no amusement and was full of the take-no-prisoners businesswoman slash mom I needed her to be. “Now, go think about Petrova’s offer, and get back to me. Before Monday!”