The Rocker That Holds Me Read online

  Chapter 2

  Setting up and doing a sound check were things that I couldn’t help with. So instead I dealt with the backstage stuff. I made sure that the dinner buffet was set out so that my guys could eat before they went on later tonight. Then I went through my list of things to do to get ready for the group of backstage pass fans.

  Most of them were female, all hoping to get into at least one member of Demon’s Wings bed. I hated each and every one of them, but simply gave them all cool disdainful looks instead. They hated me too, because everyone who was a fan of Demon’s Wings knew that I was the only female that would ever matter to any of the band members.

  I made sure that the backstage fans stayed in their designated area with security watching them like hawks—never know when one wanted to sneak into the dressing room for a quickie, or worse to get famous for killing a famous rocker—while I made sure that my guys were taken care of. I was relieved to find them all eating in their dressing room. Even Drake, but he made me shake my head when I saw that instead of a soda or even water he was drinking his signature bottle of Jack Daniels.

  I took the bottle from him, put a bottle of cold water in his hands and turned to see if anyone else needed anything. When they were done eating I tossed their plates in the trash and made sure that they had either water or Gatorade in their hands. They needed to hydrate because a concert always took it out of them. Especially Nik who would be running around the stage singing.

  I glance from one to the other, taking in the sheer male beauty of each of them. Drake and Shane with their over long dark hair and big blue gray eyes. The brothers were dreamy with their strong facial features and bodies that were both leanly muscular and covered in tattoos. Jesse with his bald head and those big brown eyes that changed with his emotions. He was huge, muscles bulging from every direction and making some wonder how he was able to handle the drums so smoothly because of his bulk.

  For just a second longer I let my eyes linger on Nik. With his voice that fucked a woman from the inside out and those ice blue eyes half hidden behind a curtain of thick, sooty eyelashes there wasn’t many females that would ever be able to say that Nikolas Armstrong didn’t affect their libido even marginally. Leanly muscular with a face that made the gods weep the day he was born, and just as tall as his band brothers he had the entire fan following for Demon’s Wings either in love, lust, or envy of him.

  “So, which is it tonight? Blond, brunette, or redhead?” I asked with a raised brow and just a hint of a smile on my lips.

  Shane grinned up at me from the sofa he was sprawled out on. “I’ll take one of each.”

  I rolled my eyes at him. Of the four of them Shane was the biggest man whore. One of each flavor for him was mild. “Well there are plenty to choose from. More blonds than anything, like always. Please be safe.” I shot Drake a meaningful look. “Are you prepared?”

  “Emmie!” There was an actual blush in his cheeks. I just kept my eyes on him and raised a brow. Finally he looked away. “I got condoms.” He muttered.

  The others just snickered. I ignored them as I turned for the door. “You have an interview at nine in the morning. I’ve arranged for us to have the conference room back at the hotel. So please, have your hoes out of your rooms before I knock on your doors.” I knew that I had to give them this lecture now because after the concert I didn’t imagine I would see them again until morning. “Drake, don’t make me shower you in the morning. Get the smell of slut and booze off early.”

  “Jesus, Emmie!” He called after me. “Why are you picking on me today?”

  I stopped at the door and turned to glare at him. “Just do it, Drake.”

  He muttered something under his breath and I felt a little bad about treating him so meanly. But he was a grown ass man and more often than not I was bathing him because he was either too drunk or too hung over to do it himself.

  The concert was almost over when I felt my phone vibrate. I pulled it out of my back pocket and saw that it was Demon’s Wings manager. The guy loved me because I took care of all the things that he should have been taking care of. Meanwhile he was at home sleeping in his nice big bed, and I was here busting my ass for my guys. “What do you want?” I snapped as I put the phone to my ear, walking away from the stage so that I could hear him over the band.

  Rich Branson chuckled, making me want to slap his handsome face. “Who peed in your cheerio’s?”

  “I’m in a piss-y mood.” I inform him, not sure why I am being such a bitch this evening. But he should be used to my attitude. Hate that guy! “What do you want?”

  “The usual. World domination. Billions of dollars. And a band that makes me look good…I have several of that last one.” I rolled my eyes. Demon’s Wings was the hottest band he managed. They more than made him look good. They made people think he was a genius for ‘discovering’ them. “Nik said he wanted to take the summer off. I’m just letting you know that I pushed the OtherWorld/Demon’s Wings tour back to September.”

  That surprised me. Nik hadn’t mentioned anything about taking the summer off. Why wouldn’t he have told me? I shot a glare behind me, wishing I could demand some answers from Nik now. But that would have to wait. Since the summer tour was being pushed back we only had a few more weeks left of touring the Gulf Coast.

  “Okay.” I told Rich. “Send me the new itinerary. I’ll make sure that everything gets taken care of.”

  “I know you will. That’s why I love you so much, princess. You make my life so easy.”

  I gritted my teeth. “Don’t call me princess.” I practically yelled at him and end the call. I so did not like that prick. And I loathed being called princess. The fucker knew that, but still made sure to call me that at ever available opportunity.

  Nik’s voice out on stage snapped me out of my hatred for Rich and I turned my attention back to my guys. Nik’s voice was driving the female population crazy. The mixture of husk mixed with gravel and seduction was a caress to that dark place between a woman’s legs. I was nowhere near immune to it and found myself letting my desire for him show as I stood there watching the band preform.

  When one of the sound techs bumped into me on accident I quickly snapped out of my desire haze and got busy. I couldn’t let anyone see how Nik affected me. I knew that he didn’t feel the same way. To him and the rest of the guys I was like their little sister. They would lay down their lives for me, just as I would for them…

  And when it came to Nik I was just the little girl that he has spent the last seventeen years of his life taking care of. I was ignoring my feelings because I knew that I wasn’t what he wanted. His happiness was more important than my own.

  Lips trembling I made sure not to listen to him singing anymore that night.

  Chapter 3

  I have never been a fan of vomit. I’ve cleaned up more than my share over the years. My mother’s mostly, in recent years it’s been the guys—Drake’s usually. But my own? I’ve only had to do that a few times in my life time.

  This morning was one of those times.

  I know that I’m not going to make it as soon as I turn over in bed. My stomach gives me a two second warning before I’m attempting to jump out of bed. I make it to the end of the mattress before I purge all of the meager meal I forced down the day before. The smell is worse than the sight of it.

  As soon as I have a small hold on my gag reflex I rush to the toilet so that I can finish. My hair gets in my way and I get puke in it before I can push it out of my face. The smell makes me gag and I vomit until I am left dry heaving. Tears stream down my face, my brow is sweaty, and my stomach is still rolling.

  I pray to every god I know of and beg for mercy. None comes. Instead I have to force myself to stand on my unsteady legs and I hold my mouth under the faucet until I have the taste of bile mostly out of my mouth. I want a shower, but first I have to clean up the mess in the bedroom before I can do that.

  When I finally climb from the shower I feel somewhat better.
But I’m running behind so I have to leave my hair wet and rush to pull on clothes before waking the guys.

  I’m not surprised to find that Shane is still covered in girls when I open his hotel room door. The heavy smell of sex in the room makes my stomach protest, but I swallow the rising bile and drag him out from under the three girls. My hand fists in his hair and I yank until he is on his feet. “Get the fuck in the shower!” I command, not in the mood to have to deal with sluts after the morning I have already had. “I give your fucking brother a lecture about this shit, but it’s you I have to handle this morning.”

  “Emmie!” He protests when I push him into the walk-in shower and turn the cold water on full blast. “Fuck!”

  “Down stairs in ten minutes.” I bark at him before slamming the bathroom door behind me. The sluts on the bed are rousing and I shoot them disgusted glares. “Get your shit and get out. You have two minutes before security tosses you out, dressed or naked. I don’t give a fuck.”

  Jesse is still asleep when I walk into his room. The smell of sex still lingers in the room but he is alone in his bed. I don’t even try to rouse him gently. I just fill a glass with water and dump it on his head. “I’m up. I’m up.” He gasps.

  “Good.” I snap and leave him to get ready.

  I’m surprised to find that Nik is already up. When I put my key card in his door it opens. He’s already dressed. His thick hair is styled and everything. Like always the sight of him makes me ache in places that I shouldn’t be aching. He gives me a concerned frown. “Emmie? Feeling okay, baby girl?”

  The rushing around has made me dizzy and my stomach is still protesting. But I’m not in the mood to argue with him. If he knows that I’m sick he will insist on my going to a doctor. Not going to happen! “Thanks for being up.” I muttered.

  “Em…” He trails off when I turn to leave.

  I ignore him as I step into the elevator and go one floor up. Drake’s room stinks of sweat, booze and sex. But thankfully the girl—or possibly even girls considering the number of condom wrappers on the floor beside the bed—are gone. He’s already somewhat awake when I walk in. Of course that’s because he’s head is in in the toilet. The sound of him puking makes my own gag reflex overreact and I dry heave in the sink. Green bile is all that I can produce and I turn the tap on so that I can swallow a few mouthfuls. At least now I have something to come up.

  Drake’s sweaty hand touches my back. “Em?” His voice croaks my name and I glance down at him, wiping sweat off my upper lip. “You okay?”

  I give him a weak smile. “Guess we both had a rough morning.” I mumble.

  He groans as he gets to his feet. He’s butt naked but neither of us care. I’ve seen every inch of my guys. None of us are shy about our body parts. No one bats an eye when we see each other naked…Okay maybe I bat an eye or two when I see Nik naked, but I would never let them know. “You never get sick.”

  I shrug. “I’m fine. Nothing to worry about. Take a shower, okay?” He nods and I turned to leave. “Brush your teeth.” I remind him.

  Ten minutes later they are all seated on the long sofa in the conference room. A buffet of breakfast foods has already been set out. I try to breathe through my mouth to keep from being too overcome with the smells. Normally I would make them a plate of food and cups of coffee, but this morning I don’t think I could deal with that and not throw up. Thankfully none of them seem to care that I’m not taking care of their needs.

  The reporter from Rock America magazine is already asking them questions. Skinny with thick glasses and a nasal voice that grated down my spine with each word he that came out of his twisted mouth, I wonder how this guy became such a talked about journalist in the rock community. Probably had a daddy that was a big deal. I wasn’t sure and could have cared less. The man wants to know what everyone else who is a fan of Demon’s Wings wants to know. How did they meet? What is the significance of the band’s name? What are their plans for the summer? When is there going to be a new album?

  Like they have always done they don’t answer the man’s first two questions—no one knows where they came from or what their lives were like before they got famous; mostly as a form of protecting me because of my mother’s unpleasant lifestyle even if their own childhood hadn’t been so happy. But they go into detail about the summer and the new material that Nik has been working on for their next album. An hour later the guy stands to leave. After shaking everyone’s hand he turns to me. “So how do you like working for Demon’s Wings?”

  “Emmie isn’t the hired help.” Jesse informs the guy, which we all know that he already knew. “Your interview is over.” The warning is plain and clear in the drummer’s voice and the reporter makes his escape. Jesse can be a hot head, easy to anger at times and quick to throw a punch. I have had to bail his ass out of jail a few times for fighting.

  I wait a few moments to make sure that the guy is gone before I turn to face them. “I want to say I’m sorry for being a bitch yesterday and this morning.” I tell them, remorsefully. I don’t often act like a bitch to my guys. Honestly I can be queen bitch when I have to be, but not to them.

  “Sit down, Em.” Jesse commands me. When I just stand there, he grasps my hand and pulls me down on the sofa between him and Nik. “We need to talk.”

  I bite my lip, scared that they are going to make me go to the doctor. Or yell at me. Of the two I think I would rather they yell, but either one would make me cry. Nik wraps his arm around my shoulder, his fingers playing with the ends of my still damp hair. It’s soothing and just being this close to him makes me feel safe and loved. “Emmie, we can see that you are getting burnt out. It’s okay. We all are. That’s why we are going to take the summer off.”

  “I already knew that you planned on taking the summer off.” I rolled my eyes at him. “Rich called me last night.” I tell him when he seems confused. “We are touring with Axton and OtherWorld starting in September.”

  “Fucking Rich.” Jesse grumbled. “We wanted to surprise you.”

  “Anyway…We were thinking of renting a house somewhere. But we thought that you would like to pick where.” Nik smiled down at me, that smile that always makes my heart ache for things I know I can never have. “Anywhere in the world that you want, Em. Pick a place, find us a house and that’s where we will spend our summer.”

  My chin trembled. I was relieved that they weren’t yelling, that Drake hadn’t ratted me out to the others and they weren’t all insisting I see a doctor. So why was I suddenly sobbing?

  Chapter 4

  One more concert and then it was back on the road.

  Do you know how hard it is to hide throwing up when you are on a tour bus? It’s near impossible. But somehow I do it. For the next three weeks I keep it from them. With the wakeup calls I get every morning where I have to rush to the onboard bathroom, I have never been so happy that the guys could sleep so soundly in my life.

  After retching every morning I’m usually able to make it through the rest of the day without a repeat performance. Still my stomach rolls all day long and I’m losing weight because I can’t force myself to eat. That is something that they all pick up on, even Drake in his almost constant drunken state. They start watching me closer and I know that they are about to gang up on me.

  And really I’m more worried about finding out what is wrong with me than an actually trip to the doctor right now. But I’m putting it off as long as possible.

  I find us a house online. It’s perfect. Private beach, no one for miles that could possible bother us. And if the guys get restless they only have to drive forty-five minutes to find a club or bar. The price for the house for the entire summer makes my stomach clench. Even after all these years and the life style we lead I feel sick having to spend so much money. But it wouldn’t even put a tiny dent in all of our wallets now.

  Even my own wallet. Rich pays me well for taking care of my guys, something I would have done for free. But Nik and Jesse made him put me on his pay
roll when I was eighteen. I haven’t had any need to touch the money that I earned. If there was something the guys thought I wanted they just bought it for me. If I needed something they pushed their credit cards into my hands and made sure I used them.

  By the time all the details were taken care of there were only a few days left until the end of the tour. One more stop, two more concerts, and then we were going to be on a plane. I was excited. We have never had a whole summer off. I would get to sleep in for three months! That thought alone made me sigh.

  “I think you should see a doctor.”

  My head snapped up at the sound of Nik’s voice. He and Jesse have been sitting at the back of the bus with me watching TV for the last hour. I was feeling better after my morning of vomit filled fun. “No.”

  He was sitting right beside of me so I didn’t have time to move when he grabbed me and pulled me onto his lap. “Yes, Emmie. You are nothing but bones now. You aren’t eating. And I heard you this morning in the bathroom. You sleep all the time, and you keep having bitchy mood swings. Something is wrong.”

  “I don’t want to go to the doctor.” Okay, maybe I did. I was scared that there was something seriously wrong with me, like an ulcer or something. I’ve never been this sick in my life. It takes all I have to keep water down these days. But I was still terrified of doctors.

  “We’ll go with you, Em.” Jesse promised, twirling a drum stick around his fingers expertly. “We won’t let them hurt you.”

  I took a harder look at him. He was really worried about me. I could see it in the way he was looking back at me that he was a little scared too. I couldn’t handle that. So I gave in. “Okay.” I whispered. “I’ll find a doctor when we get to the beach house.”

  They both seemed to relax a little. “Whatever it is, we’ll get through it.” That’s when I realized that Jesse thought that something bad was wrong with me. I pushed off of Nik and climbed onto the drummer’s lap. His arms clenched around me and I let him hold me. No one said a word as we drove through the night, my closeness seeming to soothe something in the big man.