Needing Forever VOL 1: Part of The Rocker... Series Universe Read online

  I wasn’t over him.

  I wasn’t ever going to be over him, damn it.

  Linc was it for me. It was why I’d fought for us for so long. And it was why it nearly destroyed me when I finally walked away almost a year ago.

  It took me several minutes to realize he was actually saying them last night, that I hadn’t dreamed them or him. But reality flooded back in, and my own fear of facing that same empty pit after our last breakup hit me hard. I didn’t know if I could handle that again when he ended things as he inevitably would.

  Part of me must be a secret masochist because I told him to prove he’d changed. If he could, we’d give this thing another chance.

  If he couldn’t, that was it. I wouldn’t let my heart hurt over him ever again. Okay, okay, okay. So my heart wouldn’t ever stop hurting where this guy was concerned, but I wouldn’t give him the chance to break it more than it already was.

  Dressed in jeans and another button-up shirt, Linc looked just as good this morning as he had the night before. Skin slightly tanned, face chiseled and smooth of any overnight beard growth, hair perfectly styled. I knew he’d probably been up since the ass-crack of dawn for a run and a workout. He was a beast and didn’t go a single day without lifting weights. He could have dead-lifted me and not even broken a sweat.

  Crossing his arms over his massive chest, he glared at me now. “You said you’d meet me for breakfast this morning. It was the only reason I even let you come back to your room alone. You said nine sharp.”

  I shrugged, not bothered that I’d stood him up. He deserved a little of the same shit he’d put me through over the years. Let him see how it felt. “Sorry. I overslept a little.”

  “It’s noon,” he gritted out.

  “Really?” I yawned and walked back over to the bed. Picking up the alarm clock so I could actually read it, I saw it was just a few minutes past twelve. “Huh. I guess it is.”

  Linc stomped into the room, slamming the door behind him. “Were you even going to have breakfast with me, or was this some kind of joke to get my hopes up?”

  “I was going to have breakfast with you. I haven’t slept all that great lately. Last night was the first time I’ve gone to sleep without the aid of a bottle of 151,” I told him honestly. “I set an alarm on my phone, but I guess it must have died because I don’t remember it going off.”

  “I’ve been trying to call you since nine, but it keeps going straight to voice mail.” He thrust his hands into his front pockets, his shoulders sagging a little. “So you really didn’t mean to stand me up?”

  “No, dumbass.” I grabbed my phone, but it was very much dead. Walking around him, I grabbed my charger out of my luggage and plugged it in on the desk by the window.

  I felt him move up behind me, the heat coming off his body warming me in the chilly, air-conditioned room. He snaked his arms around my waist, pulling me back against him as his mouth came down on my shoulder.

  Things like this, I wasn’t used to where Linc was concerned. He didn’t come up behind me and just hug me. In bed, yeah, we cuddled. Sometimes he even put his head on my stomach and let me rub his head for hours until he fell asleep. This? With his arms around me for no reason, his lips on my neck without expecting sex?

  That wasn’t my Linc.

  A lump filled my throat, and I had to swallow hard, the realization that maybe he really was a changed man finally hitting me.

  “Can I take you to lunch, then?” he murmured as he kissed his way up my neck to my ear, one hand stroking over my abs.

  My cock was already swollen, the tip dripping, causing a wet spot on my boxer briefs. If I turned around, he wouldn’t have been able to miss the fact that just having him touch me like this was affecting me. The memory of him on his knees, sucking me off, and then holding me like I was the most important person in his life filled my head, and I found myself nodding. “Yeah. I’m starving.”

  Linc kissed my neck one more time before reluctantly releasing me. As he turned away, I snuck a quick glance at the front of his pants and realized he was probably throbbing at this point. He hadn’t gotten off last night, another first for my man. Linc wasn’t a selfish lover, but he always made sure his own needs were met. The night before, he hadn’t seemed to care if I returned the favor or not. He was too caught up in holding me after…

  Linc adjusted himself as he walked toward the door. “Twenty minutes or I’m coming back,” he threatened.

  I grinned as the door slammed behind him. “There he is,” I muttered to myself and walked into the bathroom.

  Fifteen minutes later, I walked off the elevator to find him standing only a few feet away. Leif and Winston were talking to him, but he looked bored. His eyes caught mine before I was even off the elevator, telling me he’d been watching for me.

  At least twenty people were in the lobby and gift shop off to the side. I straightened my shoulders, slipping into the guy the world preferred to see, rather than the real me. Hiding my sexuality wasn’t how I wanted to spend my life, and I didn’t deny I was gay when someone asked me directly. But I didn’t go around announcing it either. My career and my personal life were two different things, and while my fellow rockers weren’t going to crucify me for my sex life, that didn’t mean the fans wouldn’t.

  Linc saw the switch flip in me and clenched his jaw, but he stepped around my two bandmates to greet me. “Ready?”

  Leif snickered as he and Winston walked over to the elevators. “Have fun, boys.”

  My brows lifted at the two of them. “You two just now getting in?” They were wearing the same clothes as the night before, their skin gray, letting me know they’d been up all night.

  “Two chicks took us back to their place for their own after party,” Winston said with a shrug. “I don’t think Jasper came back last night either. He texted me this morning that he was trying to figure out how to get out of the shitstorm he’d walked into. You know how that fucker is. He ain’t happy if he ain’t getting himself into trouble.”

  “Is he in danger?” Linc asked, brows lifted.

  “Only with his dick, man. Only with his dick.”

  Leif snorted. “Like always.”

  “That’s what Emmie’s for, though,” I told them. “Tell him to call her and have her work her magic.”

  “Already done, brother. Last I heard, she’s on the warpath.” Winston slapped Leif on the back. “Let’s go. I need some sleep.”

  I shook my head at them as they stepped into the elevator, laughing at the shit they found themselves in. Jasper was the wild child of the four of us, and whatever he’d gotten into the night before probably wasn’t the worst he’d ever done in the past—or would do in the future.

  Linc’s hand landed on my shoulder, squeezing, and steering me toward the exit. As we stepped out onto the street, my stomach started making angry noises. Dinner had been forever ago, and I was starving. “Where’re we going?” I asked as he led me toward his rental.

  “Depends. You want breakfast food or lunch?”

  “I could go for a burger,” I said with a shrug as I opened the passenger door.

  “Lunch it is, then,” he murmured, stepping into me before I could get into the car. He glanced around, making sure no one was in the parking lot, then crashed his mouth down on mine.

  The kiss lasted less than five seconds before he was stepping back, but I felt it all the way to my fucking toes. Taking another step back, he winked. “Needed that.”

  I smirked at him as he walked around the back of the car. “I’m liking this new Linc.”

  He paused before opening the driver’s door, those dark green eyes drilling into mine, beseeching me to understand. “This was always me,” he confessed. “I was just scared of letting you see it.”

  “Whatever. I like him.” I dropped into the passenger seat and reached for my seat belt. “Try to keep him around.”

  He started the car and put it in gear. Moments later, he was pulling into Saturday afternoon traffic.
At the red light, he caught my hand and entwined our fingers. All this affection, it was going to my head. Linc was my first serious boyfriend. The only one I’d ever wanted for more than a few weeks of fucking around. I wasn’t used to this side of him, but I was realizing quickly I could get addicted to him even more easily than I had the brooding asshole I was used to him being.

  Chapter 4

  Linc

  The afternoon went by way too fucking fast. Lunch was followed by a movie, and then because the other members of Trance were bored, we all went bowling before having dinner with the Alchemy guys, who were sticking around for a few more days too. But when they wanted to go to the club afterward, I shot Rhett a look that pleaded for him to say no.

  He smirked at me and claimed he was too tired to go drinking.

  I let out a relieved breath, and we said our goodnights before I drove us back to his hotel.

  “What are our plans for the night, then?” he asked as I pulled into traffic.

  “Room service for some dessert, renting new releases on the TV, and vegging out in bed?” I suggested.

  I felt his eyes on me as I shifted lanes and made the next turn, but the whole time, he was quiet. “What?” I finally demanded when the silence became unbearable.

  “Nothing. I’m just trying to get used to this new side of you. Old Linc would have wanted to have gone with the others and gotten shit-faced before going back to the room and fucking all night. New Linc wants to snuggle and watch movies while eating cheesecake in bed… Yeah, that’s just blowing my mind.”

  “I prefer the Death by Chocolate cake.” I made another turn according to the GPS as he laughed.

  “The dessert really wasn’t the point here, muscles.”

  “Honestly?” His silence urged me to go on. “Going clubbing wasn’t what I wanted to be doing when we were together in the past. I wanted to be home, just the two of us. Sharing you with the public always made me feel anxious. But being alone? That meant having to share more of myself with you.” My fingers tightened on the steering wheel. Confessing all of this set me on edge, because I was putting so much out there about the real me. The insecure guy who was scared of rejection and letting anyone other than my dearest friends close.

  “Your parents really fucked you up,” Rhett muttered angrily.

  “You don’t even know the half of it.” I reached for his hand, needing to touch him before the thought of my parents took hold and ruined the evening before it could get started. “But I’m trying to get past that. I’m going to fuck up along the way, but I want you to know…”

  I stopped for the next red light and looked over at him. Lifting his hand to my lips, I kissed the back of it. “I want you to know that I love you. I have always loved you. That isn’t ever going to change, Rhett.”

  His eyes flashed to mine for only a second before looking away. I kept my mouth shut until we were on the elevator on our way up to his room.

  “You’re too quiet,” I finally muttered. “Say something.”

  Pulling the keycard from his back pocket, he clenched his jaw, remaining mute as the elevator quickly lifted. When the doors opened, he walked off first, stalking down the hall to his room.

  “Rhett,” I called his name, my tone pleading for him to say something, anything. I’d told him I loved him for the second time earlier, and I got no response. It was killing me that he was shutting me out all of a sudden. Maybe I deserved it, but this nonresponse was one of my fears and one of the main reasons I’d never put myself out there like this in the past.

  He opened his door and walked in, holding it open for me until I followed him inside.

  My heart was pounding harder than if I’d just run five miles, my hands sweating, my gut twisting with knots of anxiety as I waited for him to speak.

  The door slammed behind me, and I flinched as I heard his footsteps coming up behind me. I swallowed hard, waiting…

  “Do you think you can say those things to me, turn my world upside down, and expect me to find the words in a matter of seconds?” His voice was deep, his anger blasting into my back. “Days aren’t enough time to figure out what I really want to say to you right now, damn it.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  “Sorry you said it? Or sorry for pushing me to talk?”

  My hands clenched into fists at my sides. “For whatever you need me to be sorry for.”

  “Meaning you’re only sorry if I need you to be sorry?” he demanded.

  “Yes,” I answered honestly. “I’m not sorry I told you I love you. I’m not even sorry I was pushing for you to say something in return. I’m just sorry you’re mad now.”

  He wrapped his arms around my waist from behind, his face pressing into the back of my neck. “I’m not mad,” he breathed, kissing along the top of my spine. “I’m in fucking love with you.”

  Tears burned my throat as they spilled over my lashes. “You still love me? I didn’t kill it?”

  “I tried to stop, because I figured you weren’t ever going to feel the same way and I was tired of wearing my heart out on you.” I felt him press his forehead between my shoulders as he exhaled long and hard. “But I couldn’t. I fucking couldn’t.”

  “Thank God,” I groaned, turning in his arms and crushing his mouth under my own. “I’ve been having panic attacks thinking you wouldn’t love me again,” I admitted as I pulled back enough to cup his face in both hands. “The nightmares are the worst, though. I’ve told you I love you a hundred different times in my dreams, and every time, you turned your back and walked away from me like you did just now.”

  His chocolate eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be fucking sorry. I’m just happy you still love me.”

  “It hurts me that you don’t realize how easy it is for someone to love you.” He pulled me back to him for another kiss. “But it’s hard as fuck to stop. I’m telling you right now, Linc. If you break my heart one more time, I’m going to slaughter you.”

  Despite the tears running down both our faces, I laughed. “That’s never going to happen. I love you too damn much to ever hurt you.”

  Rhett backed me toward the bed. When my calves hit the mattress, I dropped back before he could push me, already pulling my shirt over my head. “What about dessert and movies?” I asked with a smirk.

  “Still happening,” he assured me with a wicked grin. “But I know my man. He likes to burn some calories so he doesn’t feel so guilty about indulging in a little sweetness.”

  He bent, working on the snap and zipper of my jeans. “Fuck, I love you,” I groaned as his large hand wrapped around my cock.

  Rhett kneeled between my legs. “I love you too. Always.”

  I cupped his jaw, stopping him from lowering his head to take my aching cock into his mouth. “Swear?”

  His eyes softened before he turned his face into my palm and kissed it. “I swear on everything I have—on my fucking voice, Linc. Always.”

  Epilogue

  Rhett

  Christmas was my favorite holiday. Ever since I was a kid, my mom and I had spent it together. Just the two of us because no one else seemed to matter in the past.

  This year, things were going to be a little different. Dallas and Axton invited Linc and me to stay with them for the holidays, but I couldn’t be without my mom. Luckily, they had enough room for her, and even with Dallas’s dad and stepmother visiting too, their house still didn’t feel crowded.

  They recently moved in to the house down the beach from Shane and Harper Stevenson, making this their West Coast home instead of the apartment they used to have. With Harper so close, it was making this a great Christmas for Linc, and I couldn’t have been happier that he was so into the holiday for once. Harper and Dallas were his true family, his sisters in every way that counted.

  The days leading up to Christmas Eve were spent finding and putting up the Christmas tree, decorating it while two babies crawled and toddled around trying to get into every
thing, and listening to my mom laugh with Dallas’s stepmother, Tink. Those two seemed to connect the instant they were introduced. They so easily confided in each other, you would have thought they were best friends from birth rather than meeting each other for the first time only days before.

  “I feel like a bottle of wine would have been a better gift,” Mom hissed to me as we walked up the walkway to Emmie Armstrong’s house. She had her arm through both mine and Linc’s, while Axton and Dallas walked ahead of us, already ringing the doorbell.

  “Emmie doesn’t like booze in her house,” Linc explained. “One of her brothers is a recovering alcoholic, and out of respect for him, they don’t keep anything in the house that might tempt him.”

  Mom stared up at him in horror. “You mean there won’t be any eggnog?”

  I stifled a chuckle as the front door opened ahead of us. “Virgin nog, Mom.”

  “But…”

  “It’s fine,” Linc assured her. “I’ll make you some as soon as we get back, Ellen.”

  She lifted her hand from his arm and patted his cheek. “You’re such a good boy.”

  I tried to keep it inside, but I couldn’t quite hold on to my snort. Linc smirked at me over the top of her head. “I am a good boy,” he said with a wicked wink. “And you know it.”

  Mom made a humming noise in her throat. “You two are terrible.” But there was a teasing smile on her lips.

  “Uncle Linc!” Nevaeh Stevenson shouted as she ran out the now-open door and threw herself into his arms. “Merry Christmas!”

  He swung her around before kissing her cheek. “Merry Christmas, pretty girl.”

  Drake and Lana’s daughter smiled over at me before frowning at my mom. “Hi,” she greeted her shyly. “I’m Nevaeh. Who are you?”

  “I’m Ellen,” Mom greeted her with a warm smile. “Your dress is very pretty, Nevaeh.”